Everyone loves a good story, so I thought I'd tell you about a bride of mine that may have been the ultimate in Bridezilla.
She wasn't a screaming, angry monster. She was entitled. And as you may recall from previous posts, I don't sit well with entitled. Entitled, to me, is the attitude "it's MY wedding!" to justify all sorts of selfish choices. Let me clarify, I do agree that it is the bride's wedding, she should get a dress that she loves. She should be able to choose just about everything for her big day so that she gets what she wants. But reality is, it is often a big deal for the fiance too, and for Moms and Dads that have been dreaming of their daughter's/son's wedding day for a lifetime. So there are times when you want to take their perspective into consideration.
For example, if your fiance is allergic to shellfish, you wouldn't serve shrimp as a main course because "it's YOUR day" would you? And if your Mom is in a wheelchair you wouldn't get married at a site that has staircases between the reception area, cocktail area, restrooms and picture location, because "it's YOUR wedding" would you? Of course not. You want all the people you love to have fun and be comfortable so they remember your wedding day fondly forevermore.
At least, that's what most people want.
I was checking out The White Petal, a wedding blog I follow, and a wintry post reminded me of this bride I've been alluding to. The post had pictures of snowy details and shades of white dreaminess. In the corner is a photo of a bride and groom outside in the snow, and she is wearing her beautiful strapless ballgown. Makes for a lovely picture, and her new commitment is surely keeping her warm, right?
Enter Lacey. Lacey came to me seeking a dramatic look for her wedding. She found it - a ball gown covered with silver embroidery, a detailed train, a swarovsy crystal tiara and not one, but two veils to be worn simultaneously for volume, with 4 tiers of embroidered tulle going from blusher to cathedral length. She confessed to me that she was getting marred in February, Valentines Day weekend, in fact, and envisioned an icy color palette of ivory, silver and purple. She would be having lots of outside pictures.
Outside pictures in February. Okay. I suppose, if she and her fiance are okay with that, it's their discomfort, not mine!
She returns not too long thereafter with her bridesmaids. They are going to each order their own style dress, as long as they are the same shade of silvery plum. As I am assisting these girls in finding the right style for each of them, one girl asks if we have any styles with sleeves. Not cap sleeves, but the longest sleeve possible. I confess to her that we don't have much like that in the bridesmaid department, most people prefer to wear something that won't be too hot for dancing, and then they'll wear a shawl for the limo ride from ceremony to reception. "No," she says, "Lacey will not allow shawls. She says it will ruin her pictures, but I get cold so easily. I just can't imagine standing outside in February without something on my arms."
I am surprised, "You mean she wants EVERYONE to take their pictures outside in the snow without any cover up?" I thought this was the ultimate in selfishness, to achieve a certain look at the expense of her bridesmaids' comfort. I was about to realize that there was something far more selfish.
"Oh, no," she said, "she's not doing JUST her formal pictures outside. She's having the entire CEREMONY outside in the snow."
My disbelief must have been clearly evident on my face. The bride spotted us from across the room and realized that this bridesmaid was telling me the plan. She zipped over and said, "I wish you guys would stop being such babies about this. The ceremony will be short, no more than 15 minutes, and then we'll do our pictures fast. I don't want you to cover your dresses with coats or shawls. It's MY wedding, and I want my photos to be snowy and beautiful."
This was her plan. 150 of her closest friends and family standing in the snow, dressed in their "black tie" clothing, along with 6 shivering bridesmaids and one satisfied, selfish bride that got her way.
I got a call about a month later from the Maid of Honor. The groom had called off the wedding and moved out. Perhaps he had decided that, since it was HER day, she could enjoy it by herself.