Where Have I Been?

Amy, thank you for kindly noticing that I haven't much been around. I am still here - but attached to my computer in a different way than when I was blogging my heart out. I can't say too much without giving away my identity (and as I have mentioned before, every bit of gossip I have written about has actually happened-so I can't let anyone know who I am or where the store is), but suffice it to say that the writing I have done here has lead to another writing position. I have been publishing articles on subjects surrounding weddings for a while now - and I am writing enough articles every month that it has squeezed tight my available time for my blog. So, if anyone is STILL checking in to my blog, I'd love you to leave me a comment. This is what I want to know: should I continue this blog on the path it was on previously? Or should I open it up to discussions of all things wedding related? I suppose I could even come out of the proverbial "dressing room" and make myself known...what to do next?

Thanksgiving Rant or How Wedding Gowns are like Cars

It is the week of Thanksgiving folks, and those of us in the bridal retail business are not immune to the thrill of "black Friday." Black Friday is one of the busiest days of the year in wedding gown stores, mostly because Brides consider it an opportunity to shop for their dress while surrounded by all the family and friends that have come home for the holidays. So not only is the store full with appointments, but each appointment will likely be accompanied by a bevy of bridesmaids, grandmas, moms and more. What this leads to is an atmosphere of overstimulation and mass confusion.

It is just this confusion that leads me to find an explanation for the views expressed by one particular bride of mine, let's call her Dharma. Dharma came shopping on a holiday weekend, we were her first stop of the morning, with 3 more appointments scheduled later in the day at different stores. She was accompanied by a posse of "helpers" and the appointment went very well. A lovely girl, very petite, so I made a style recommendation for her after seeing her taste, hearing about her wedding, and seeing her in a few dresses. She loved it, and at the end of the appointment, it was her favorite. She left for the rest of her fun day with the crew.

On Monday I got a call from her - she decided that the dress I had recommended for her was THE ONE! The complicating factor was that she lived out of state and had been home for the holidays, and wasn't planning on being back for months, so she gave me a credit card over the phone and I ordered it for her.

Months later, her dress arrived, just beautiful! I called her, she paid the balance and asked me to ship it to her. I did, and patted myself on the back for another happy bride!

Wait! Not so fast...!

I receive a concerned call a few days later... there's been a mistake! This is not the dress I ordered! I tried to reassure her that, indeed, this was the same dress she had ordered - what makes her think it is not? She says that it doesn't look like the same beading on it. She is very insistent, and since we cannot see the dress while speaking with her, our only option is to have her ship it back to us at our expense to examine her area of concern.

So I receive the dress back in the store and hang it up next to the sample. They look almost identical to me, other than the sample being a size 10 and hers a size 4, and that the sample is grungy and hers is new and pristine. So I call her and share what I see. She insists that the dress is a different dress than the one she ordered.

Now I'm in a difficult spot. I desperately want ALL of my brides to be thrilled with their gown and to be ecstatic with their relationship with me and the store. But I KNOW that this is the same dress she ordered, and her area of concern stems from the fact that her dress is smaller than the sample, so the appliqued details are, likewise, proportionately smaller in areas. For example, there are five appliqued flowers across the bust, and in order to fit five appliqued flowers across the bust of a size 4 dress, the flowers are slightly smaller. Makes, sense, right? Not to her.

The real nightmare begins when she sends her Dad to the store (remember, she's out of state!) to "set me straight". He arrives in a whirlwind, and demands to see his daughter's dress and the original sample to compare. I oblige and hang them both in good light so he can compare. He whips out a measuring tape and begins to examine both garments closely, measuring the size of appliques and the distances between them. (I'd like to remind you that I, and my colleagues, work with the very popular dress every day, sell it frequently, and not only have we never had a problem, but also failed to see the differences between the two hanging gowns.) I even receive a call from the office asking me what the man with the measuring tape is doing in the middle of the sales floor. "Dharma," I reply, which is enough for my boss to understand the situation. At the end of his examination, he gives me a list of discrepancies between the two dresses, which, for an ornately beaded and appliqued dress that is hand worked, is surprisingly few, and explains his theory. "It's like with cars," he says, "you sold my daughter the 2009 model, but are giving her the 2010 model. She doesn't want this model, she wants the one she tried on in the store in the first place."

Interesting theory. But completely wrong. I explain to him that dresses do not change over time, they are designed and produced, some will be discontinued, and others will be added to the line. But never does a designer decide midstream to start making a particular dress differently. It just doesn't work that way; the dresses are designed domestically, but produced in China, and once the factory has set up the cutting for a particular style, it runs the same way until discontinued.

I believe he was either impressed with how much knowledge I had of the process, or he realized that his out-of-state daughter was overreacting, because when I walked away to confer on a possible solution with my boss, I heard him say into his cell phone that there were "no differences, really, between the two dresses". Vindication!

In the end, we agreed to send the dress back to the manufacturer and replace it quickly with another one they had in the same color and size. We received the new dress back, shipped it to the bride (again, it looked exactly the same as the first to me!) and she was satisfied.

Wish me luck this year, and let's hope the curse of Turkey Day does not strike!...

11 Things People HATE About Shopping for their Wedding Gown

Its Monday morning, and I'm feeling kind of Monday-morningish today! I'm thinking about all the things that people HATE about wedding dress shopping. Here's a list:

1. Pushy sales people
2. Sample sizes
3. Lack of privacy
4. Opinionated Moms
5. Fear of Immoral/Incompetent Stores
6. $$$
7. Commitment-Phobia - the concern that the perfect dress is out there, and how will you know when you've found it?
8. Champagne taste/Beer Budget
9. Too much tradition/pomp and circumstance
10. Time consuming
11. Dislike own body - fear that nothing will look good


These are all reasons Brides have given me of why they have been putting off shopping for their dress. I like to think that when you come to visit me, I am able to make most of those disappear. And the ones that I can't make disappear, I can make more bearable. (For example, a Mom who is too opinionated might find herself being asked by me, "Jane obviously really loves this dress! Don't you think that her face is beaming when she puts on the gown she loves?...") In my case, when I got married, I had already been working in the wedding industry for several years, but not with gowns directly, so my fear was that I would not be able to get a good sense of the dress from the sample size (since my readers know that I am busty and tended to wear a size 14 suit blazer and size 6 pants. My fear turned out to be unfounded or irrelevant.

A consultant at the store was let go last week. Too many brides expressed that they would be happy to come back to our store again - beautiful dresses, fair prices, excellent reputation - if only they could be assisted by someone different. Sounds like someone failed to help our brides overcome their fear and dread of the process!

Tell me about a misgiving or bad experience you had... I love gossip!

Why You Do It All

I am still smiling a day later, so here's my post from yesterday... Feel Good Friday


Why do you put all the energy, thought and, yes, money into planning your big day?

Is it because you have family and friends coming to witness your vows and you want to treat them to a big party? Maybe.

Is it because you have dreamed, ever since you were a little girl, of the day you married, the dress you'd wear, the song you'd dance to? Perhaps.

But the reward of all your hard work is where I am today. You see, today my Husband and I are celebrating our ten year wedding anniversary. Although our lives have become full of children and homework and jobs and housework, we'll sit down tonight after the kids are in bed and pull out our wedding album. We'll look at the pictures of the ceremony, I'll groan (as I always do) about how much eye makeup I was wearing, he'll tell me to stop, I was beautiful. We'll point to the photos of the children that were invited and comment on how young they look. We'll smile as we look at the pictures of the family members that are no longer with us, my Dad, his Nana. We'll talk a little about how styles have changed, who has lost hair, who has lost weight, and relationships that have changed since that day.

Then we'll put the leather-bound album back into its protective case and back on the shelf. We'll smile at each other and say, I love you.

Then we'll probably watch House.

Why a Man Might Shop for a Dress...

If you have been reading my blog, then you know that there are areas of the store, namely, the dressing areas, in which we don't allow men. Sorry, guys! Most men don't mind being excluded from this most feminine of rituals (they roll their eyes and yawn at the 17th dress and everyone gathered round saying, "do you think THIS might be the one?"...!) and are happy to remain out of the bridal area.

But what of the handful of men that arrive and are surprised, even annoyed not to be allowed in this area of the store?

They fall into several categories. The first and most common is the "Dad Shopping with his Daughter". He sometimes cares about the dress, and sometimes not. But he always loves her and thinks she's beautiful and wants to share in whatever makes her happy. And, of course, sometimes he is footing the bill. He comes to make sure Mom doesn't go nuts giving her little girl the dress of her dreams!

Occasionally, a Dad is shopping with his daughter because Mom has passed away. This always makes me get a lump in my throat. I don't know what I would have done without my Mom during the planning of my wedding and picking out my dress. In these cases, Dad is usually fumbling to be a "Surrogate Mother" to his daughter, trying to offer advice he thinks she would have said had she been there.

I have discussed in previous posts about another category of men disappointed not to be allowed in the bridal changing areas. These are men who would like to be the ones wearing these dresses. But this is another discussion for another time!

The other big category of men arriving who wish to enter the bridal area of the store are fiances. Now, I am kind of an opinionated woman, so if something I say frustrates you, please leave a comment and I'll let you have your voice (as long as it isn't vulgar or profane!). But this kind of irritates me. Now when I say that, I am not referring to the number of cultures in which the groom is responsible for selecting and paying for the wedding gown. I have taken too many etiquette lessons, cultural differences classes, and sensitivity training seminars for that.

No.

I am referring to the irritating overbearing fiance. The one who wants to control his girlfriend, from what she wears, to who she talks to. I am a strong-willed woman, so it is hard for me to understand how some of these girls can tolerate the prospect of spending the rest of their lives being in a partnership with someone who won't let her make her own choices and express herself.

I remember one man who arrived to take his bride shopping for a dress. It happened to be a slow day, so we were able to set him up in a separate room where he wasn't in the bridal area, and his fiance, let's call her Jaden, had to be dressed in the dressing rooms, and then take a long walk with each gown to the room where he waited, only to look her up and down, order her to spin, and ultimately give each dress the thumbs up or down. It was such a emotionless kind of experience for me that I wondered if he would ask her to open her mouth so he could check for wear on her teeth. (Get it? Like at a horse auction? Okay, bad one.)

Anyway. He picked a dress. Pulled out a credit card. I measured the Bride. That was it. I didn't see any love or excitement from either of them, and even wondered if this was some sort of arranged marriage or mail-order-bride kind of deal. Kind of weird.

So if you are a bride looking to shop for your dress, and you have a man you'd like to bring with you, do yourself a favor: call the store ahead of time to check whether men are allowed, and in which areas. There is nothing more awkward for the man in your life, as to feel as though he is unwanted by the store. And that may not be the case, it may just be at your store, as in mine, the concern needs to be for not just you and your guests, but the feelings of the other brides shopping at the same time. Remember that the other brides are trying on dresses that are sample sized and often don't fit properly, and they may be hanging out of the gowns. So although there are private dressing rooms, they may not be fully covered when they emerge to show their group their dream gown!

An Empassioned Plea: Part II

I have attended two weddings in the last month or so, and BOTH of the brides wore strapless gowns, and BOTH of the brides were visibly suffering from droopy dress-itis.

I don't know if this was the result of poor alterations, or wedding-week weight loss.

But the end result was me sitting on my hands in an effort to not butt in where I wasn't wanted, and watch these beautiful brides attempt to casually watch their cleavage when they should have been watching the eyes of their intended.

If you read my previous post about strapless gowns and about the importance of good alterations, you'll recognize this rant for what it is. Frustration at anything that distracts from what is important here: the marriage.

Sounds funny, coming from a dress person. You hear of photographers that seem to forget that there is a wedding here, and this isn't just a photo shoot, and of DJs that think your wedding is their own personal one-man show. So you would expect a dress person to be the one who would insist that the train on the bride's dress be straightened and that photos of the dress are of the utmost importance. In reality, I am a sentimental fool who believes in romance, forever, undying love, all of those cliches (The Princess Bride = best book and movie EVER!) and I believe that the most important thing is the vow, not the dress one wears when exchanging them.

Just one woman's thoughts. I have more empassioned pleas here.

All Brides Are Not Created Equal

So now that you have heard some of what it takes to work here, let me tell you another quality that is very helpful: diplomacy.

I'm not talking about diplomacy as it may pertain to the running of interference between a bride and her quarreling mother. Oh no.

I am talking about a rare and very dangerous form of the word, where failure to be the perfect Switzerland can mean the difference between peace and lawsuit.

Let me explain. Our business, the selling of beautiful and ornate gowns, attracts a lot of people. Some of them are brides who are envisioning themselves in these beautiful dresses. Some of them are fashionistas, for whom being around such opulence is its own pleasure. And some of them, a very small minority, are shopping in our store to fulfill a need other than love of man or dress.

I was working at the counter one day when an individual came in and announced the desire to make an appointment to try on wedding gowns. I brought the homely "bride" downstairs to look through the racks with me at the styles available and to look at the appointment book at what appointment time might be available for trying on dresses. As this long-haired, heavily made-up and lipsticked, skirt-wearing bride browsed through the gowns I noticed something about her. Her hands. They were sturdy hands. Strong, actually, like she might do some sort of manual labor. Upon closer inspection, they looked a little hairy on the knuckles, but stubbly, like they had been shaved. Such a shame, I thought, that this bride felt so self-conscious that her hands looked like they belonged to a man that she felt the need to shave them... wait a minute, is that an Adam's apple I see?

Fabulous. Here I am in the female-only part of the store where the brides walk around in a state of half-undress, with a man clearly dressed as a woman. What do I do now?

As a social liberal, there is part of me who feels like this poor confused individual deserves the same dignity and service that I would give to any other bride who comes into my dressing room. My empathy told me to make an appointment for him.

But the legal questions abound; am I compromising the rights of the women in the dressing areas by allowing this man to be in their midst? And can I ask one of my consultants, or even myself, to dress this individual should he decide to try something on, would that violate the consultants' rights? Remember, it is the store's policy that, in order to protect the merchandise, a consultant must help each and every customer into the dresses. No self service allowed. Will that violate HIS rights, to insist that he be dressed by a consultant of the opposite sex?

And either way, do I acknowledge that I have guessed the true nature of this bride's gender? It was not shared with me, and I do not know whether acknowledging the truth would be hurtful or not. What if he thinks he's beautiful and the epitome of femininity, and that he's got the whole world fooled. The last thing I want to do is offend anyone.

What would you do in this circumstance? I'd love to hear your thoughts, and then I'll share the true ending to this story.

So You Want to Work at a Bridal Store...

It seems like almost every day that people (mostly women) come to my store asking if we are hiring and wanting to work with us. Part of this is the economy, but more than that, I believe that women have always held the idea that my job is glamorous. Thus the popularity of the show "Say Yes to the Dress". And if you have been a regular reader of my blog, you are familiar with my frequent repetition of the words, "I love my job". But not everybody loves this job, you know.

Over the course of my career as a wedding gown consultant, I have seen numerous women be hired and then be gone within days or weeks. This, mind you, is after the new hire has been VERY carefully considered from amongst a pool of qualified individuals, for there are always many applicants for every job that opens up. Applicants are usually phone interviewed first, then interviewed by myself in person, I will give my short list of candidates to the Owner, who interviews them again and makes her selection. This is not your typical retail job, where you submit an application, the Manager checks your job history and references and you get the job. The demands and knowledge base required are enormous, and since we work as a team, a personality that fits with the other consultants is a must.

I remember training a new girl (Forgive me if the term is derogatory, but it's what we say. I was a new girl once too, and I was married with two children and a long career in the wedding industry already under my belt.) who seemed to be doing so well shadowing me and working with the customers, but ended up quitting at the end of her training because, as she told the Owner, she was so overwhelmed by all there was to know, that she could never possibly learn it all. Then there was the girl who left for her lunch break after 3 hours on her first day and never returned. We never heard from her again, but the rumor is that she was taken aback by the criticism of another employee who chastised her for shouting across the sales floor at a customer, announcing this prom girl's size to the room at large, "Sue, why don't you look at these dresses over here, if you need a size 16, this is where they are." And then there was the trainee who was simply so short of stature (maybe 4'10") that we discovered she simply couldn't perform important tasks like putting a wedding gown over a bride's head, or reaching the racks to get a dress down. A bridal meltdown was narrowly avoided when she couldn't read the tag up high on a bride's dress, and brought her the wrong gown from the back room. The bride had a freakout since she had ordered a ballgown and this petite consultant had brought her a mermaid. I intervened and discovered the mistake, however, and smoothed things over. The majority of the new hires that don't last long are those that are unable to sell dresses to brides, for whatever reason.

When we are looking for a new consultant to join our team, we are looking for the following traits/experience:

Must Have
Ambition
Self Starter
Good Personality
Basic Math Skills
Common Sense
Diplomacy
Maturity (not necessarily age - we have some young and talented consultants)
Intelligence
Empathy
Physical Strength (stand on feet for 8+ hours, lift heavy dresses over your head, carry boxes)


A Plus, but not Required
Sales Experience
Fashion Experience
Wedding Experience
Sewing Skills
Knowledge of Wedding Gowns/Bridesmaid Dresses/Tuxes/Accessories
Customer Service Experience


Let's face it. I get to work with beautiful dresses and with people, and do not have to sit at a desk all day. My job is awesome. But it IS a sales job, and before you consider working with me, you'd better think long and hard about how you feel working in sales. And as I always tell my trainees, sales does not mean pushing brides to buy dresses they don't want. Heck, I have told brides that they should go back to another store and buy the dress they keep talking about in my dressing room, because they clearly love it. I'm talking about sales, which in my mind is the natural progression of connecting with a bride, helping her to find just the right dress with my inventory knowledge and experience, allowing her to ask questions to the point where she is comfortable and trusts me (and rightly so!) to provide her with a well-fitting dress. This is what develops into a sale, and this is why I'm so good at what I do.

So, what do you think? Do you want to work with me?

A Little Light Housekeeping

Now that I am back from my vacation, I wanted to step back and take care of a little housekeeping, explaining a few things to you.

I am many things: a wedding gown consultant, a mother, a storyteller, a psychologist and counselor at times, but one of the things I am not is a computer person. I used to be; during my years in college I dabbled in computer science as a minor, but the intervening years that I spent building my career in the wedding industry working with people instead of machines rendered my knowledge of Pascal, BASIC and Hypercard obsolete. That is why I hope you will forgive the clumsy use of technology on my site. I am learning on the job, as they say, and I started my blog simply because my friends at work told me that I should share the stories. One obvious hole has been my use of comments. It was a while before I decided to enable them, and as you notice, your comments are never posted until I have approved them because of my need to remain anonymous. I am also hoping in the future to figure out how to reply to a comment, since there have been many witty quips that I have wanted to respond to, but still don't know how. I'm working on it!

Also, my site is not as pretty as some of the other blogs I follow and I want to explain why. When I talk about specific dresses, I make a conscious choice not to post their pictures on my site. Why? Because the owner of the store has signed a contract stating that pictures will not be taken of the dresses unless they are being purchased, and I respect that policy and won't violate it by taking pictures. Also, I will not violate piracy laws by cutting-and-pasting pictures from other websites to my blog. I am not passing judgment on bloggers who do - just that I don't want to go down that path. It would be nice to grow a readership, maybe make some money off this venture of love like advertisers, a book deal or something, and I wouldn't want to get there and then find out that the attention my blog has received has attracted the notice of the internet police and I am being sued for unauthorized use and profit from a copywrited picture.

In closing I'd like to thank my followers for their continued support and readership. I have recently been contacted and hired to write an article for a bridal magazine about shopping for wedding gowns, but to say more would allow you to find it and figure out my identity. And perhaps the greatest joy of the past couple of weeks was a mention in another blogger's site that summed up EXACTLY what I hope you get from reading my blog. Seeing this made me grin from ear to ear, because although I am anonymous, I am a person, and validation is a reward that cannot be matched.

Please continue to comment, and for those of you more seasoned bloggers, suggestions are welcomed. I've got more tips, advice, behind the scenes secrets and juicy gossip to come!

Tessa: Engaged!

For this Feel Good Friday, I'd like to write briefly about a happy occurrence this week at the bridal shop: one of the consultants got engaged!

I remember when I got engaged. I had already been in the wedding business for several years at that point. (Click here if you need a reminder as to my resume!) And as you can imagine, working with weddings can make you look differently at this blessed event. Some people who become engaged after being wedding professionals are so jaded that they have a minimal event or even elope. Some will jump into the planning with a vigor reserved only for those who finally get to make their own choices after some time of watching other people's missteps. Let's face it, watching brides put together teal and orange for their wedding colors or encouraging the bridesmaids to wear cowboy boots with their formal dresses can be frustrating. Every unmarried professional repeats the mantra in their head, "I will NOT do this when I plan MY wedding." I certainly did! I remember creating a list of all the things I had seen other people do that I was SURE I wasn't going to do at my wedding. Items that made the list were:

1. Serve rubber chicken
2. Make guests pay for their own drinks
3. Pay $7,000 for a dress and sacrifice having enough food
4. Waste money on "token" favors like scrolls and matchbooks that would get thrown away
5. Have carnations and filler greens in my bouquet
6. Have bridesmaid dresses in wine or hunter green, since that was what everyone was doing at the time
7. Wear a dress in which my ample bustline was exposed and prominent, such as in the Victorian or Elizabethan age
8. Use banquet chairs that would make the wedding look like we were having a corporate leadership seminar
9. Attempt to squeeze too many people at a table in an effort to keep centerpiece and server costs down, but resulting in my guests being unable to push back from the table without the express consent and cooperation of the people sitting on either side of them.
10. Put disposable cameras on the table, unwittingly encouraging semi-intoxicated guests to take inappropriate pictures that my Mom and Dad would develop while I was on my honeymoon
11. Hire a DJ that would pull out blow-up instruments and ask my guests to play air guitar
12. Hire a DJ that would, in an attempt to engage my guests, play some sort of embarrassing game like blindfolded dance contest or wave the dollar.
13. Hire a DJ that was under the impression that my wedding was his show

This was not the entire list (10 years and two kids later, I'm surprised I remembered this much) and as you've probably guessed, I opted to hire a band.

So now it is time for my colleague and friend, let's call her Tessa, to undertake the planning of her wedding. She is the sweetest of girls, and very grounded. Her taste has always been impeccable, so I know that her wedding will be a feast for the eyes and that she will be a gracious bride. I couldn't be more excited for her as she begins this journey, and I wish her everything she hopes for and peace and joy in the planning process. However, I wonder what items she has on her "absolutely NOT" list...

Dog Days of Summer

Ah...summer.

Time to lay back, relax and chill.

Take your time, there's no hurry, cause it's summer.

People often come into the store and say, "it's wedding season, you must be very busy!"

Nope. People don't buy their dresses during wedding season, they buy their dresses just after engagement season, which means the store is SLAMMED just when the credit card bills start arriving from our Christmas shopping. Works out well, actually, since I do work on commission.

But summer is slow. No one wants to put their sweaty body into heavy dress after heavy dress, especially with an audience. I can hardly blame them.

As much as you have heard me repeat how much I love my job, the summer is the one time when I look out the window and dream of being elsewhere, prone on a chaise, fruity drink in hand, the kind that wears an umbrella. I watch the cars drive by, get excited when one hesitates outside the window like it might stop and release a flood of brides with wallets held aloft and a hungry look in their eyes that can only be fed with tulle and crystals. Yet no one stops. Window shopping does not satisfy my need for human interaction, or my more basic need for a paycheck of a certain size.

I look down at my appointment schedule and see that I have a return appointment for a bride of mine who has bought a beautiful gown from me that will be arriving in the store in a couple of months. She has an appointment for an unspecified purpose, right at the time of day when I might actually get walk-in traffic, and my heart sinks with the realization that this is the dreaded "dress visiter". Yes, she loves her dress, and I am glad for it, but I have convinced her so much of my wonderful service that she has decided to bring someone visiting from out of town (could be Mom, bridesmaid, Aunt, doesn't matter, it's always the same) to come in so that I may put her in our sample again and she can stand and stare at herself in the mirror and ask her friend, "do you love it?!" which, by the way, is a NON question because there is only one correct response when the dress has already been ordered!

But what is the one saving grace during the dog days of summer? They get out of their cars with a sense of purpose, open an organizer and show me. It is filled with pictures of dresses they both like and despise, notes are written in two ink colors, red for wedding gown info, blue for bridesmaid info. They attack the store with a drive similar to Captain Von Trapp in the Sound of Music, giving each member of her group instructions, "Sally, you hold my purse, Jane, you take that row of dresses in the back, and Mom, you come with me. If anyone sees something they think I'll like, whistle twice in succession and I'll come look. " She is on a mission, and she plans on buying dress, if not today, then in the next couple of weeks. They have this down to a science you see, because they have exactly two months in which in which they plan to organize their whole wedding even though it won't be until the following summer. Have you guessed yet?

In the summer, I pray for the arrival of the teachers!

What Fabric Is Your Dress?

Silky Satin

Charmeuse

Taffeta

Chiffon

Organza

Peau De Soie

Crepe

Ombre

Duchess

Tulle

Lace

Jacquard


So many beautiful fabrics that call to mind elaborate dresses from flowy to grand,

and they are all:


100% Polyester.

Fabric of champions.

It's not just your Daddy's leisure suit anymore!

Feeling Good About Love

For Feel Good Friday this week, I'd like to tell you about a movement in America that makes me happy.

This is a blog about me and my career selling wedding dresses. Sometimes I write about the brides' stories, and sometimes I'll write about weddings from my perspective. I never intended this to be a political soapbox. Yet I can't help but be happy that thousands of people across America who are blissfully in love are slowly gaining the right to be married. That's right, I'm talking about Gay Marriage.

I have never fully understood the argument against allowing two adults of the same sex to be married. If your faith does not agree with it, then, by all means, don't do it. I would never suggest that a religion, and their clergy, should be required to perform marriage ceremonies for same sex couples. But I do believe that representatives of the government, and clergy from certain accepting faiths should be allowed to perform a legal marriage ceremony. I have also heard the argument that gay unions are biologically unproductive; that the point of a marriage is to procreate, and if people began forming same-sex unions then the future of the human race and its procreation would hang in the balance. Okay, but does that mean we need to render birth control illegal as well, after all, a couple that chooses not to have children at all is "endangering the human race" as much as a homosexual couple.

So away from the politics for a moment, and fast forward to my store. Some might say that I have a vested interest in the making of gay marriage legal. After all, now I have the opportunity to sell the happy couple TWO dresses instead of one! I admit, this is true! I have known several women couples through my store, most of whom have both bought their dresses from me, (although some have had one wear a dress and the other wear a woman's tux) but I think of one couple in particular. I really enjoyed working with them. For ease of conversation, I'll call them Nora and Colleen. As I was helping Nora try on dresses in the dressing room, I got to share a moment with them. As I laced Nora into the dress that eventually became "the one" I was privy to both the look of expectant hope on her face as she turned to face her fiancee, as well as the look of pure love and pleasure on Colleen's face as she saw her intended looking so beautiful and they both registered that they had the freedom to make their love official. How can such affection not be celebrated, and how can this not make me happy today?

Brides: Made in the USA

There is an overwhelming and pervasive sense of patriotism in our country - our economy has been affected by natural disasters like Hurricane Katrina and regional floods, our coastline is the victim of an oil spill and a war rages on on the other side of the world. We all want to support our brothers and sisters by spending our dollars locally, and if not locally, then at least in the United States.

It is with this in mind that I will often have brides arrive in my dressing room and start asking questions about the gown they like, "Is this made in the USA?"

Now I don't purport to be an expert on every manufacturer and design house available, particularly the ones that are very pricey. But I can tell you this: the dresses that fall into the $1000 range, plus or minus a few hundred are all made in China. To my knowledge, there are no exceptions to this rule, unless you are talking about a seamstress making a dress custom for a bride, but I'll discuss that in a minute.

Why is it that these garments are made in China? Let's do the math. On a thousand dollar dress at least $500 to $600 goes to the store where it was purchased, to pay for their costs (rent, utilities, cost of samples, commission to salespeople, shipping, labor to have it pressed and prepped, etc.) leaving $400 to $500 to cover the manufacturer's costs (designers, administration and distribution, advertising, materials and factory expenses and, of course, hours of hand labor for the assembly and beading of these garments). Since the Chinese will work for pennies on the dollar that an American will be paid, the same exact dress, were it to be made in the USA, would be hundreds if not thousands more, depending on the number of hours required to make each one.

In an ideal world, we would have all our manufacturing needs, including wedding gowns, manufactured domestically. Unfortunately, since the 85% of brides are going to spend between $500 and $1500 for their dress (most of the rest will spend less), that puts American-made dresses out of the running. If you have the money to spend, and country of origin is important to you, I applaud you for making America and our fellow citizens your priority. If you are trying on dresses and you ask the salesperson where the dress was manufactured, and you think you might be getting a runaround, check the label. It is the law to keep these two tags inside every garment: the country of manufacture and cleaning instructions. So you should be able to find this information out just by looking in the seam of your dress. If this tag is not there, ask about it, because it is illegal for the bridal store to remove it on both on the sample and on your actual dress.

If you fall into this price point, and spending your money locally is important to you, I can offer two suggestions. The first is that you can opt to try for an independent seamstress to make one for you custom. They will not have all the overhead of the design house. The downside for some brides is the leap of faith required for having a dress made that has not been tried on. Even if you bring the seamstress a picture of a dress you love and ask her to copy it, she certainly does not have the pattern and her creation will fit differently than the sample you may have tried on. Another downside is that if the dress has a lot of expensive fabric or beadwork, the materials and labor cost may end up pricing you out of your budget anyway.

The other option for spending locally is what most of my well-intentioned brides end up doing: resign yourself to the fact that the dress will be made in china, but choose to purchase your dress from a longstanding member of your community. So when a bride elects to purchase her dress from me, she is supporting me and my family, my co-workers and their families, as well as the many charities and community causes that my store supports.

My admiration goes to those of you who think of the bigger picture and how you can affect change. America has thrived because of brides like you!

There is Worth in Curves

To set the scene for this next "Tale From My Dressing Room", it is important for you to understand a couple of basic points.

First is that I am no skinny minnie. I have had a couple of children, and let's face it, it has been years since anyone would have described me as "svelte." In my case, much of this girth comes in the form of an ample bosom. When I have the pleasure of trying on wedding gowns at my store, I find that the 18s are what fits me best through the bust, and that I would need alterations to take them in through the waist and hips. I even overheard another consultant refer to me by name in a closed-curtain conversation with one of her voluptuous brides, "I know exactly the dress you should try for your bustline. One girl who works here, Fiorella (real name excluded!), is VERY chesty, and I saw her try this on and it looked great!" But I digress - my point is that I understand the frustrations of trying on sample sizes that don't fit.

Point two is that in my business, I have become accustomed to vanity. Beautiful girls with lithe bodies finding a millimeter of skin to pinch and muttering "fat!" to themselves. Mothers telling their toned daughters that they should try some arm exercises before the wedding. Brides who are wearing dresses that fit them as close to perfectly as one could expect a sample to fit, pulling at different areas of the gown and asking how they are supposed to make a decision if they can't see the gown fitting them? My outward response is always reassurance and understanding, but inside I am doing a little eye-rolling. I mean, everyone knows that alterations are required for that wedding-day fit, right? So how much better do they expect the sample to fit? And could they please lower their voices in consideration of the girl in the next dressing room who is clearly a women's-size figure? Stop pouting already!

So imagine my mindset when I had a bride in my dressing room who spotted a size 10 dress on a mannequin she LOVED. She just HAD to try it on. I squirmed on the inside, and gently warned her that this dress was a very fitted mermaid, and although we had managed to get several size 10 samples onto her size 20 body enough so she could get an idea, this one would likely prove more challenging. She insisted that she just HAD to try.

I began to put the gown over head. I succeeded in getting the hipline of the dress down over her bustline, but it became clear that it was going no further south than that. I looked at her, the torso of the gown bunched around her middle, giving the illusion of a knee-length skirt with great volume and train. Her arms were stuck straight up in the air. All I could see of her face was her eyes, just peeking over the top of the strapless neckline, the scalloped lace detail covering her nose and mouth. My heart stopped as I had visions of her bursting into tears in self-loathing and frustration as she realized that her dream dress was not to be. I took a deep breath and held it as she turned and faced the mirror. Her eyes grew to the size and shape of silver dollars. Here it comes, I thought, be ready for support and reassurance, and the ever-present box of tissues.

"I LOVE it!", she cried, and sighed with delight!

Lesson learned. I have always been very secure with myself, and have no hangups with the way I look or the size I am. The number sewn into my clothing has never played an integral part in my identity and how I value myself. But years of working with brides and playing into their vanity has jaded me into believing that low self-worth is the norm. Cheers to this bride for having vision and seeing how beautiful she really was and the potential in this dress!

Very Superstitious

Working with wedding gowns, it does not surprise me the superstitions surrounding THE DRESS. I mean, after all, the dress symbolizes the start of a new journey, and everyone has wishes that this phase of their life will be fulfilling and joyous, right? So if members of a sports team will all get mohawks to ensure a big victory and my husband will wear his lucky underwear to a big presentation, doesn't it make sense that we might see this kind of behavior at the bridal salon?

Everyone has heard that it is bad luck to see the bride in her dress before the wedding. Mothers will commonly admonish their daughters as they take pictures of the dress they are purchasing, "Don't you dare let your fiance see these pictures!" But did you know that this widely-held superstition is really just a culturally specific practice? In Jewish tradition, the bride and groom would see each other before the ceremony for a "veiling". In some Asian cultures, it is common for the fiance to shop with the bride and select and pay for her gown.

The most common superstition at my store is the "it's a sign!" superstition. People are always expressing their belief that a higher power, or fate, is telling them which dress to wear. For example, I'll have a bride on a pedestal in a dress she loves. She is gazing adoringly at herself in the mirror when all of a sudden she will realize that our sound system is playing the song she and her fiance are going to use for their first dance. Yes! This is it! It's a sign! This dress is the one! Now I am no expert in the existence of a higher power, or his/her interest in women's fashion, but I will tell you that I will NEVER mention to this bride that our sound system is stocked with music commonly played at ceremonies, first dances, father daughter dances, cake cuttings, etc. My boss is no dummy!

Then there's the name game. If you have been reading my posts, then you already know that many designers are giving their dresses names instead of style numbers. Another smooth marketing trick! How many times have I had a girl named Becky tell me she just had to try on Maggie Sottero's "Rebecca" and then end up buying it, all because they both share the same name? Are these girls under the illusion that the dress was made for them and that's why it has their name on it? And the marketing people at Maggie are no dummies either, because they keep naming dresses after the common names of the day, yet there is a distinct lack of "Mavis", "Bertha" and "Hortense".

Then there was the bride who had been searching forever for the right gown. I can only assume that in her mind she felt like she needed to try something different, because what she was doing was not working. So what did she try? She decided to stop shaving. Okay. A little strange, but certainly doesn't bother me in any way. But I'm not sure of what connection she felt like her grooming had with the lack of ability to find the right dress. She did buy a beautiful gown with me that was "the one", and as she stood in her strapless gown with just a hint of fuzz peeking out from her armpits, she said, "It has to be the one if I can still feel beautiful." So maybe there was some wisdom to her method after all.

And for my final story. I had a bride arrive for her appointment who had been all over searching for a gown (are you seeing the trend here of brides held hostage by superstitions?). We had a wonderful appointment and she looked beautiful in a number of gowns. There were several she really liked, but I noticed that she was quite deliberate in the way she examined each dress she considered. That is, most brides will put on a gown and spend most of the time looking at themselves in it in the mirror. In her case, if she liked a dress, she would spend quite a bit of time examining the lace or appliques quite closely while her lips moved silently. Maybe she's seamstress, I thought, and she's examining the quality. Either way, dress after dress was nixed for reasons I did not understand, until we came to a dress she clearly loved. Her face lit up as she wore it, and it looked as though it was made for her. But as she began her close inspection of the gown, she announced that it wasn't the one; she looked crestfallen. I didn't understand, and asked her why she wouldn't get the dress she clearly loved. She pointed to a tiny embroidered flower on the bodice, just one of many embroidered and beaded flowers of varying shapes and sizes throughout the gown. "It has six petals," she said, "I need a dress with flowers on it, but all the flowers need to have an odd number of petals." She must have seen my confusion, for she continued to explain, "You know, he loves me, he loves me not, he loves me, he loves me not..."

I was able to save the day by getting her the dress she loved, and having the offending flower applique trimmed down to a five petal variety. And as soon as I'm done writing this, I'm going to get my wedding gown out of its acid-free packing and examine it closely, as I hadn't thought to before, to make sure my husband and I have a future together.

Wish me luck!

Five Great Things

It is Friday, and in the spirit of a new movement called Feel Good Friday, I have decided to write about some positive, even wonderful things about my job!

I'd like to start by telling you that one of the best parts of my job is that TIME FLIES. I get to work, and am so completely absorbed by the tasks at hand that before I know it it's time for lunch, and no sooner do I get back from lunch and it's time to start closing up the store. I have had jobs where time seems to crawl... you watch the clock as you perform a mundane task, usually one you'll be repeating over and over throughout the course of your career. Perhaps time flies because I am a social person and enjoy the interaction with my brides, their parties, and my co-workers. Perhaps it is the atmosphere of being surrounded by so many beautiful dresses and accessories. Perhaps it is because my job is different every day - yes, sometimes I answer the same questions over and over, but for the most part my duties take me different directions. Sometimes I am challenged by fixing a gown with a stubborn stain that has arrived in the mail from the manufacturer and the wedding is just weeks away... sometimes the challenge is helping a bride find a gown she loves on a limited budget. Whatever the challenge is, it is totally engaging and each day is something to which I look forward!

My second thing I love about my work is when the mail arrives! Yes, much like a preschooler, I love when the mail arrives because I can scan through it for pictures and thank you notes from brides I have sold gowns to. I think that a bride who takes the time after such a busy period of their lives to sit down and write a note of thanks, particularly if they send a picture of them on their wedding day is a marvelous thing. The words of gratitude and praise are a gift to me, they lift me up and make my day. I don't know if my brides realize that although, yes, I'm a salesperson, I do care for them personally and I become attached in a small way. A thank you note is, for me, like a bittersweet closure on a relationship that is ending. I cherish these notes, and keep them all.

My third thing I love is 99.9% of my brides! A few honorable mentions: L.C., who has been married now for quite some time, but was one of the first brides I had who put her entire faith in me and let me basically pick her dress, accessories, wedding colors, everything. She was stunning on her wedding day, and has referred many brides to me since then. I am very proud of her look, and she is a gorgeous and nice nice nice girl as well. S.W., married for a while and her sister C.W., who is due to be married shortly. Every time they come to the store it's a party! I love it when it becomes a family affair! Never do I laugh as much as I do when the sisters come in! And to J.H., who can best be defined as sweet and the girl you hope your son will marry, and for all the good advice she gave me regarding an upcoming trip. She ordered a dress from me that she had seen in another store, but wanted to do business with someone she could trust. There are so many more, M.D. who is now a facebook friend, C.G. who has such a similar style to mine that she became my new hairdresser, and J.B., who underwent a miraculous weight loss during the course of our planning together. Too many more to mention...

My fourth favorite thing is simple... so many beautiful dresses! How can someone not be happy when they come to work every day and are surrounded by satin and taffeta, ruffles and bows, flowers and sashes, embroidery and beading? The little girl in me loves to be surrounded by all that decadence!

And, saved for last, my fifth favorite thing about my job: my colleagues. What a dedicated, intelligent, supportive, fun group of people! Not only do we have fun together at the store (and an occasional girls-nite-out excursion, like the time we all went to see 27 Dresses together and had everyone in the theater looking at us as we guffawed at the brides on the screen telling their bridesmaids, "and the best part is that you can totally wear that dress again!") but I can feel really good about the treatment every consultant gives her own brides. From management to support staff, I have the luxury of feeling really good about the company I represent. I can truly mean it when I tell a prospective bride that she should buy her dress from us because we will take care of her. So, here's a shout out to Darlene, Bijou, Anniston and the others I hold in the highest regard and am honored to call friends.

A Day in the Life

Brides often comment on how awesome my job is, and how much fun I must have. This is true! But if brides think that all we do is stand around and wait for a bride to arrive so that we can play dress up, they are sorely mistaken. Here is a little insight into the daily life of a consultant:

1. Arrive at store. Check schedule. When are my scheduled appointments? Plan my day.
2. Return phone calls while I wait for first appointment. One bride I've never met is looking for a particular dress, another bride of mine wants a swatch of the bridesmaid dress color, and another just wants reassurance that her dress will be arriving soon.
3. First appointment arrives and we look at wedding gowns.
4. After this apointment I write some personal notes to a couple of brides who bought dresses from me and one who is considering it, thanking them for their patronage.
5. Call a bride of mine that has one bridesmaid in her party that has not been sized yet to let her know.
6. Package up and ship a bridesmaid dress to an out-of-town bridesmaid that will be doing her alterations closer to home.
7. Grab a quick lunch.
8. A bride without an appointment arrives to look at wedding gowns. We do.
9. I have an hour before my next appointment, so I head to the dress prep area to press and steam the special order dresses that have arrived. I finish one and start a second before I am needed at the front of the store to answer a customer's questions.
10. Customer asks questions about how long do dresses take, how much do they cost, what is procedure for ordering and other questions. I answer them all, and when she is satisfied I help her make an appointment to come back with her Mom to look at dresses.
11. A returning bride of mine arrives for her scheduled appointment to look at bridesmaid dresses.
12. New merchandise has arrived in the store. I spend a few minutes familiarizing myself with the styles, prices, color options and sizing, since I need to be up-to-date on every dress in the store!
13. Return two calls that came in while I was with other customers: a bride of mine looking for a particular flower girl dress that matches her gown, and a bride that has been referred to me by a bride of mine who has been to a number of stores and hasn't found anything she likes yet. We discuss her likes, figure and budget and make an appointment for the following day.
14. Bridesmaid arrives to be sized for her dress. Good news! She'll be 6 months pregnant at the wedding! We discuss options.
15. Time to clean up the store - straighten the dresses, veils, crowns, jewelry, vacuum and clean the mirrors.
16. Home for the night. We'll do it all again tomorrow...!

Pet Peeves Part 1

The following is a partial list of Dressing Room pet peeves (in no particular order):

1. Large groups to "help" the bride choose her dress
2. Brides that arrive to just "get ideas" because they are not technically engaged yet
3. Lack of underwear (see post titled "A question of numbers")
4. Lack of money ("I would like a really beaded ball gown with a long train. I want to look like a princess! I can spend $200.")
5. Too many ideas ("I really like simple mermaids with no beading. I also like the tulle ball gowns. Oh, I'd like to try a crumb catcher, and I love one shoulder dresses. Do you have dresses with color in them? Where can I find the gowns that are flowy like a grecian goddess? I want to try that, too.")
6. Moms that keep repeating "How can we get a good idea how this will look on her if it isn't in her size?" even after the consultant and bride explain about sample sizing.
7. Moms that keep repeating "How can we get a good idea how this will look on her if it isn't in her color?" even after the consultant and bride explain about sample colors and other color options.
8. Moms that keep repeating "In my day a bride was supposed to wear white. And why do brides these days wear strapless and let it all hang out? I don't understand why you don't want a train, a bride is supposed to have a train..."
9. Previously married (i.e. experts) bridesmaids who give bad advice ("You are hippy, so you should tay away from A lines and other dresses that are full through the hips. You should definitely get something fitted, it won't add bulk.)
10. People that ask questions, but don't listen to the answers.
11. Groups that don't listen to the bride.
12. Bored children running around the store.
13. Stinky feet
14. Brides that think just because a store carries a particular line, they have every dress available and are mad when they don't have the exact dress they saw online.
15. Customers that don't treat us like professionals.
16. Customers that have an argument in the store about who will be paying for the dress and how much can they spend.
17. Moms that are so confident that everyone wants their opinion that they offer it to the bride in the next dressing room ("If you ask me, honey, that dress makes you look thick in the middle.")
18. Grooms that will not allow a bride to choose her dress without his "approval", even if she wants to suprise him and is paying for it herself.
19. Drunk shoppers
20. Anyone that makes my bride cry.

I am guessing I'll add more to this list at a later date.

Wedding Karma

Let's talk about the dirty little secret of the wedding gown industry: getting used.

I understand that budgets are tighter than ever for brides, the cost of having a wedding has shot up (some estimates put it over $30,000 on average for the majority of the country) while incomes have been lost or remained stagnant due to the sluggish economy. This has caused brides to look for ways to cut costs.

There are ways that are good, ethical ways to cut your budget that can be invisible to your guests and can leave you feeling like you have harmed no one in your search for the perfect wedding. There are entire volumes written on the subject.

Then there are ways to "cheat" and basically get something you are not paying for. For example, when someone chooses to buy a dress at a brick and mortar wedding gown salon, they are paying for not only the gown, but also a press/steam of the garment as well as the service of that garment, the priviledge of trying it on, being able to get expert advice regarding size and alterations before selecting, and professional guidance through the process of choosing exactly the right gown for their figure. When someone chooses to buy a gown from an internet provider (this is all assuming that the website is not selling knockoffs) they are saving a few dollars, but are giving up the service and the feeling of confidence that if you have questions or concerns, there is a person you can talk to face to face. If you are a bride with a very tight budget, there are no moral problems at all with you purchasing your gown online (at your own risk!).

But what if you want to save a few dollars on your gown AND get the level of service that a salon will give you? What if you found a gown online that you like, located a store that carries it, and went in to try it on, see if you like it in person, look at the color options, ask about what size you might be, and then, getting your questions answered, decided to go back to your computer and order it online? That doesn't hurt anyone, right?

Wrong. It actually hurts several different parties that you should know about.

First. Bridal consultants are mostly professionals. This is their full time job and they often have families to support. It is also a sales industry and most stores work on commission. Like all sales positions, there is a system in place for determining whose turn it is to take the next customer that arrives. When a consultant waits on a bride, she must then typically wait for all other consultants to wait on a bride before she can have another bride. So when a bride arrives to try on a dress that she has no intentions of purchasing from the store, her deception could cause the consultant to lose an opportunity to wait on a legitimate bride for the rest of the day. So she did not "save" a few dollars, just "stole" the services of the consultant and got the value from her.

Second. The store you are visiting has invested in samples of the dresses to try on (these are not provided free by the manufacturers, but are sold to the stores) and is employing knowledgeable staff to assist you. They have also provided a location for you to visit with a dressing room in which you may try on. These things cost money. Everytime a dress is tried on, it gets dirty from handling, can become damaged and will need replacing. When a "cheating" bride occupies a dressing room and a consultant's time, those are resources not available to another bride. This is a contributing factor to why so many stores have gone out of business - because of the cost of offering services with no remuneration.

Third. This costs other brides. How many weekends have I had to turn away brides because my schedule was full; and how many times afterward have I realized that a bride was just using us and had no intentions of purchasing and she prevented another bride access to a dressing room, consultant, and our dresses? It also costs other brides in the bottom line... stores are finding it necessary to make up for the increased cost of servicing so many brides by adding to their costs somewhere.

None of this is to say that anyone should feel obliged to purchase a gown from a retailer just because they shopped there*, only to suggest that if you know you are not going to purchase there, please don't waste their time. Time is money, and your savings is coming off of their backs. Whether you believe in karma or "what goes around, comes around", it is all a question of why would you want to taint the start to your love affair and married life with cheating and deceipt? Your marriage will hopefully be here for years to come (knock on wood), you need to begin it right!


*You should choose the store from which you purchase because of their selection, level of service, stability, convenience and your feeling of confidence with them. Your consultant expects to work hard to gain your confidence. If you end up feeling more confident and comfortable with a different store, she understands. As long as she had the opportunity to present her offerings to you and you were open to receiving them.


NOTE: Out of necessity, stores have become adept at identifying who is using their services. Be warned that if you decide to go this route, you may find it impossible to get an appointment at the store that found you out, and even at other stores in the area in their network. Do you really want to be blackballed?