Indecisions

I am reminded at this time of year of a Bride of mine that got married last year a few days after Christmas.

She was from out of State and purchased her dress from me. She was a lovely girl, I liked her very much, but she and I had one very. major. difference.

She AGONIZED over EVERYTHING.

Now, in my line of work, I am used to dealing with agonizers... if I haven't told you yet of the Bride who made six trips to the store (as well as trips to other stores) then I will have to soon. But suffice it to say, it comes with the job.

But this Bride took it to a whole new level. She spent three appointments with me to choose the dress she could have picked in her first appointment, and each of these appointments ran longer than intended, with other Brides waiting in the wings to get into the dressing rooms. She would just STARE at herself and say, "I LOVE it, but I don't know..." so I would counsel her on her doubts, but no. No doubts. "I love it... but what if..." By the end of the third appointment, I made the suggestion that perhaps she could consider purchasing more than one dress if she was so afraid of committing to just one... then she could have a different look for the ceremony, dinner and dancing. Three looks, three dresses, no commitment-phobia. Mom jumped in and saved the day by pushing the Bride to make a choice for the one she clearly loved and STOP second guessing herself. Guess she was afraid her daughter might like my suggestion and stick her with a HUGE bill from my store...

And every decision went this way. Bridesmaid dresses. Veils and accessories. And the tuxes. Oh, the tuxes. When they say there is a perfect match for everyone, it is SO true, because this man, this wonderful man that I grew to like equally well as his fiancee, was JUST as indecisive as his intended! Most grooms arrive, point to the tux on display that they like, decide whether to do a bow tie or windsor band tie, figure out which colors match the bride and her maids, get measured and are done. Not this guy! He tried on his favorite style to see how he looked... then tried on his second favorite... then tried the first on again but with a different vest color... OMG!

Okay, I don't get it. What makes people so unsure about their own decisions that they are so afraid to make the wrong one? Do people really self-flagellate after making a choice that they are not sure is the absolute right choice? It is something I simply cannot relate to - I value my own time far too much to waste it on waffling. And I have better areas in which to focus my mental energy than punishing myself for a decision that was good - but was it the BEST choice?

As the Owner of the store has taught me, and she has been doing this successfully for years (but I won't say how many because she looks younger than she is!), when a bride expresses a need to try on everything before making a choice, I point out to her that in our store alone we have 400 gowns - and at the average appointment you try on a max of 10. You would need 40 appointments to try everything - and that's just one store. At some point you have to find a system for eliminating based on what you like and dislike.

After all: did you need to date every available bachelor in the world to find the right one to marry?

Thanksgiving Rant or How Wedding Gowns are like Cars

It is the week of Thanksgiving folks, and those of us in the bridal retail business are not immune to the thrill of "black Friday." Black Friday is one of the busiest days of the year in wedding gown stores, mostly because Brides consider it an opportunity to shop for their dress while surrounded by all the family and friends that have come home for the holidays. So not only is the store full with appointments, but each appointment will likely be accompanied by a bevy of bridesmaids, grandmas, moms and more. What this leads to is an atmosphere of overstimulation and mass confusion.

It is just this confusion that leads me to find an explanation for the views expressed by one particular bride of mine, let's call her Dharma. Dharma came shopping on a holiday weekend, we were her first stop of the morning, with 3 more appointments scheduled later in the day at different stores. She was accompanied by a posse of "helpers" and the appointment went very well. A lovely girl, very petite, so I made a style recommendation for her after seeing her taste, hearing about her wedding, and seeing her in a few dresses. She loved it, and at the end of the appointment, it was her favorite. She left for the rest of her fun day with the crew.

On Monday I got a call from her - she decided that the dress I had recommended for her was THE ONE! The complicating factor was that she lived out of state and had been home for the holidays, and wasn't planning on being back for months, so she gave me a credit card over the phone and I ordered it for her.

Months later, her dress arrived, just beautiful! I called her, she paid the balance and asked me to ship it to her. I did, and patted myself on the back for another happy bride!

Wait! Not so fast...!

I receive a concerned call a few days later... there's been a mistake! This is not the dress I ordered! I tried to reassure her that, indeed, this was the same dress she had ordered - what makes her think it is not? She says that it doesn't look like the same beading on it. She is very insistent, and since we cannot see the dress while speaking with her, our only option is to have her ship it back to us at our expense to examine her area of concern.

So I receive the dress back in the store and hang it up next to the sample. They look almost identical to me, other than the sample being a size 10 and hers a size 4, and that the sample is grungy and hers is new and pristine. So I call her and share what I see. She insists that the dress is a different dress than the one she ordered.

Now I'm in a difficult spot. I desperately want ALL of my brides to be thrilled with their gown and to be ecstatic with their relationship with me and the store. But I KNOW that this is the same dress she ordered, and her area of concern stems from the fact that her dress is smaller than the sample, so the appliqued details are, likewise, proportionately smaller in areas. For example, there are five appliqued flowers across the bust, and in order to fit five appliqued flowers across the bust of a size 4 dress, the flowers are slightly smaller. Makes, sense, right? Not to her.

The real nightmare begins when she sends her Dad to the store (remember, she's out of state!) to "set me straight". He arrives in a whirlwind, and demands to see his daughter's dress and the original sample to compare. I oblige and hang them both in good light so he can compare. He whips out a measuring tape and begins to examine both garments closely, measuring the size of appliques and the distances between them. (I'd like to remind you that I, and my colleagues, work with the very popular dress every day, sell it frequently, and not only have we never had a problem, but also failed to see the differences between the two hanging gowns.) I even receive a call from the office asking me what the man with the measuring tape is doing in the middle of the sales floor. "Dharma," I reply, which is enough for my boss to understand the situation. At the end of his examination, he gives me a list of discrepancies between the two dresses, which, for an ornately beaded and appliqued dress that is hand worked, is surprisingly few, and explains his theory. "It's like with cars," he says, "you sold my daughter the 2009 model, but are giving her the 2010 model. She doesn't want this model, she wants the one she tried on in the store in the first place."

Interesting theory. But completely wrong. I explain to him that dresses do not change over time, they are designed and produced, some will be discontinued, and others will be added to the line. But never does a designer decide midstream to start making a particular dress differently. It just doesn't work that way; the dresses are designed domestically, but produced in China, and once the factory has set up the cutting for a particular style, it runs the same way until discontinued.

I believe he was either impressed with how much knowledge I had of the process, or he realized that his out-of-state daughter was overreacting, because when I walked away to confer on a possible solution with my boss, I heard him say into his cell phone that there were "no differences, really, between the two dresses". Vindication!

In the end, we agreed to send the dress back to the manufacturer and replace it quickly with another one they had in the same color and size. We received the new dress back, shipped it to the bride (again, it looked exactly the same as the first to me!) and she was satisfied.

Wish me luck this year, and let's hope the curse of Turkey Day does not strike!...

Beautiful Bride? DEPENDS...

Okay, Ladies. I thought I had heard it all. That was, until yesterday. Yesterday, when someone mentioned Bridal Diapers.

I didn't believe it. I came home and Googled it, and sure enough, the internet is filled with discussions of this lastest trend. Got a wedding gown that is especially big, or too complicated to use the bathroom gracefully? Forget bringing your Maid of Honor to the restroom with you to perform her best-friend duty of holding your skirt up while you pee, forget trying to reach around the multitudinous folds of luxurious fabric you loved in the bridal salon, holding the wad of toilet paper for proper cleaning. No, some clever, outside-the-box thinking Bride decided that this indignity was not worthy of her big day... and decided that diapers were the solution.

Really? Doesn't this sound faintly reminiscent of the astronaut who crossed from Texas to Florida to confront her romantic rival and wished not to make any pit stops on the way, and wore her NASA-designed Depends on the road? That woman was kooky, and this trend is not that far off the kook-train...

If you think Bridal Diapers sound like a good idea, a smart solution to the desire to not leave your dance floor for even a moment to orchestrate a feat of physics whenever nature calls, I ask you this: you may have succeeded in not needing to visit the loo throughout your event, but if the problem is the complicated nature of your dress, doesn't that mean, by definition, that you may need some assistance in removing it at the end of the day? And when your new husband, bright and shiny with the promise of a rosy future married life with you, does romantically lower your zipper (can you hear the Barry White in the background?), don't you think it'll be a mood killer to find a soggy diaper where he may have expected satin and lace? Dunno - I'm just sayin'... trust me, a 10-years married woman - you have YEARS of undignified moments ahead of you - don't let your wedding night be the start of the end of the mystery...!

Why a Man Might Shop for a Dress...

If you have been reading my blog, then you know that there are areas of the store, namely, the dressing areas, in which we don't allow men. Sorry, guys! Most men don't mind being excluded from this most feminine of rituals (they roll their eyes and yawn at the 17th dress and everyone gathered round saying, "do you think THIS might be the one?"...!) and are happy to remain out of the bridal area.

But what of the handful of men that arrive and are surprised, even annoyed not to be allowed in this area of the store?

They fall into several categories. The first and most common is the "Dad Shopping with his Daughter". He sometimes cares about the dress, and sometimes not. But he always loves her and thinks she's beautiful and wants to share in whatever makes her happy. And, of course, sometimes he is footing the bill. He comes to make sure Mom doesn't go nuts giving her little girl the dress of her dreams!

Occasionally, a Dad is shopping with his daughter because Mom has passed away. This always makes me get a lump in my throat. I don't know what I would have done without my Mom during the planning of my wedding and picking out my dress. In these cases, Dad is usually fumbling to be a "Surrogate Mother" to his daughter, trying to offer advice he thinks she would have said had she been there.

I have discussed in previous posts about another category of men disappointed not to be allowed in the bridal changing areas. These are men who would like to be the ones wearing these dresses. But this is another discussion for another time!

The other big category of men arriving who wish to enter the bridal area of the store are fiances. Now, I am kind of an opinionated woman, so if something I say frustrates you, please leave a comment and I'll let you have your voice (as long as it isn't vulgar or profane!). But this kind of irritates me. Now when I say that, I am not referring to the number of cultures in which the groom is responsible for selecting and paying for the wedding gown. I have taken too many etiquette lessons, cultural differences classes, and sensitivity training seminars for that.

No.

I am referring to the irritating overbearing fiance. The one who wants to control his girlfriend, from what she wears, to who she talks to. I am a strong-willed woman, so it is hard for me to understand how some of these girls can tolerate the prospect of spending the rest of their lives being in a partnership with someone who won't let her make her own choices and express herself.

I remember one man who arrived to take his bride shopping for a dress. It happened to be a slow day, so we were able to set him up in a separate room where he wasn't in the bridal area, and his fiance, let's call her Jaden, had to be dressed in the dressing rooms, and then take a long walk with each gown to the room where he waited, only to look her up and down, order her to spin, and ultimately give each dress the thumbs up or down. It was such a emotionless kind of experience for me that I wondered if he would ask her to open her mouth so he could check for wear on her teeth. (Get it? Like at a horse auction? Okay, bad one.)

Anyway. He picked a dress. Pulled out a credit card. I measured the Bride. That was it. I didn't see any love or excitement from either of them, and even wondered if this was some sort of arranged marriage or mail-order-bride kind of deal. Kind of weird.

So if you are a bride looking to shop for your dress, and you have a man you'd like to bring with you, do yourself a favor: call the store ahead of time to check whether men are allowed, and in which areas. There is nothing more awkward for the man in your life, as to feel as though he is unwanted by the store. And that may not be the case, it may just be at your store, as in mine, the concern needs to be for not just you and your guests, but the feelings of the other brides shopping at the same time. Remember that the other brides are trying on dresses that are sample sized and often don't fit properly, and they may be hanging out of the gowns. So although there are private dressing rooms, they may not be fully covered when they emerge to show their group their dream gown!

Where There's a Will...

A very short post:

Life has been so busy I haven't had time to write a full-on blog post decrying the trials and tribulations of selling wedding gowns. But I did want to tell you about something wonderful that just happened.

A wonderful, sweet bride who came referred to me by a dear friend of mine, was struggling to find a dress. It became clear why when we met: she's what you might call a large girl. Even though I have wedding gown samples in sizes up to 30W, I could not get a dress on her well enough to get a truly good idea of the style.

But there were no tears, no drama (like some of my size 6 brides have had when they think their behind looks big), she just kept her eye on the prize - marrying the man she loved, and who loved her, just the way she was.

The solution we found was custom. We took a dress that we had been able to get on most of the way, and ordered it with custom changes. What was a tank, would now be a 3/4 sleeve with beautiful detailing, we took some custom measurements, so that instead of a specific size, we would be ordering the dress to be made to her shape. We took careful notes and measurements, crossed our fingers and prayed to the God of dressmakers (there has to at least be a patron saint of dressmakers, n'est pas?) that all would work out.

And it has! She LOVES her dress, although has admitted that the whole process made her nervous, and the beautiful Italian silky-satin drapes like fluid on her body, the neckline frames her face and the overall result is elegance.

Congratulations, LW! I couldn't be happier for you! Every bride deserves to be beautiful, and you are. Every bride deserves to be treated with dignity, and I hope I have treated you so that you have felt pampered and in competent hands. As with all my brides, I continue to feel blessed to have the role I play in this most exciting of life's journeys.

Feel Good Friday: Wedding Karma Part II

Unlike a mother with her children, I do NOT like all my brides the same. I like almost all of them, but some I REALLY like.

About a year and a half ago I met a bride, K.D., who already had a dress she had ordered from another store. It was a pretty dress, in fact I had the same style in my store. But pretty wasn't what this girl was going for - she wanted stunning!

Now this I can provide! I immediately pointed her in the direction of an ornately embroidered gown, styled after an opulent Amalia Carrara for Eve of Milady dress that has been featured on Say Yes to the Dress and in many bridal magazines. Our version of the gown by a lesser known designer was about 1/6th of the price, but without compromising quality. Swarovsky crystals studded the bodice, and the fabric was a fine satin that flowed like water. The train was dramatic, and the box pleats at the back of the skirt gave volume to add grandeur to her walk down the aisle. She loved it!

Now, I don't have warm fuzzy feelings for this bride because she liked a dress I suggested for her. I like her because whenever she came into the shop over the next few months (and I'm guessing she was in about 15 times!) she was always the sweetest, kindest person - the exact opposite of bridezilla. Her personal accomplishments are many, both in career and hobby, so she was interesting to talk to, but never bragged about anything. And her mother? I could've added her to my family as well.

Well, she got married this past weekend. I saw the pictures - she WAS stunning! And as much as I loved the dress on her, the part that made her so beautiful (aside from the fact that she is a very pretty girl anyway) was the absolute JOY beaming from her face. That is why I love weddings!

But there is a moral to this story. Have you ever heard the expression "the squeaky wheel gets the grease?" In this case, I am pleased to announce the opposite axiom holds true - "you win more flies with honey"... in the end, everyone, including the Owner of the store loved her so much, and she ended up referring so many brides to us that bought their wedding gowns from us, that the Owner of the store gave her a full refund on her wedding gown. How's that for Wedding Karma?

Congrats, K.D.! We'll miss you!

All Brides Are Not Created Equal

So now that you have heard some of what it takes to work here, let me tell you another quality that is very helpful: diplomacy.

I'm not talking about diplomacy as it may pertain to the running of interference between a bride and her quarreling mother. Oh no.

I am talking about a rare and very dangerous form of the word, where failure to be the perfect Switzerland can mean the difference between peace and lawsuit.

Let me explain. Our business, the selling of beautiful and ornate gowns, attracts a lot of people. Some of them are brides who are envisioning themselves in these beautiful dresses. Some of them are fashionistas, for whom being around such opulence is its own pleasure. And some of them, a very small minority, are shopping in our store to fulfill a need other than love of man or dress.

I was working at the counter one day when an individual came in and announced the desire to make an appointment to try on wedding gowns. I brought the homely "bride" downstairs to look through the racks with me at the styles available and to look at the appointment book at what appointment time might be available for trying on dresses. As this long-haired, heavily made-up and lipsticked, skirt-wearing bride browsed through the gowns I noticed something about her. Her hands. They were sturdy hands. Strong, actually, like she might do some sort of manual labor. Upon closer inspection, they looked a little hairy on the knuckles, but stubbly, like they had been shaved. Such a shame, I thought, that this bride felt so self-conscious that her hands looked like they belonged to a man that she felt the need to shave them... wait a minute, is that an Adam's apple I see?

Fabulous. Here I am in the female-only part of the store where the brides walk around in a state of half-undress, with a man clearly dressed as a woman. What do I do now?

As a social liberal, there is part of me who feels like this poor confused individual deserves the same dignity and service that I would give to any other bride who comes into my dressing room. My empathy told me to make an appointment for him.

But the legal questions abound; am I compromising the rights of the women in the dressing areas by allowing this man to be in their midst? And can I ask one of my consultants, or even myself, to dress this individual should he decide to try something on, would that violate the consultants' rights? Remember, it is the store's policy that, in order to protect the merchandise, a consultant must help each and every customer into the dresses. No self service allowed. Will that violate HIS rights, to insist that he be dressed by a consultant of the opposite sex?

And either way, do I acknowledge that I have guessed the true nature of this bride's gender? It was not shared with me, and I do not know whether acknowledging the truth would be hurtful or not. What if he thinks he's beautiful and the epitome of femininity, and that he's got the whole world fooled. The last thing I want to do is offend anyone.

What would you do in this circumstance? I'd love to hear your thoughts, and then I'll share the true ending to this story.

"And the Award for Most Selfish Supporting Actress Goes To..."

I have obviously written the bulk of my material about helping brides shop for wedding gowns. But a major part of my job is to help my brides with the next part of the process: selecting bridesmaid dresses. By the time they are ready to do this, I have already worked with them for a while and have come to like them. I know a lot about their wedding, and know what they like and dislike. And in march the bridesmaids.

Bridesmaid dress shopping used to be very different. It used to be that the bride selected a style for all the girls to wear on her own, and the Maids would order it. Then, things started changing. Brides would shop for dresses and bring their Maid of Honor for her opinion and advice, they would arrive at a decision, and the rest of the maids would fall in line.

Not these days.

Now bridesmaid shopping is a form of torture for many brides. Let's say the average bride has 5 bridesmaids. She will show up for her appointment with 4 of them (because the 5th either lives too far away or had a last minute complication) and I will start by introducing them to the process. We have racks with about 600 different bridesmaid styles from which to choose, and all of the dresses come in a variety of colors, some as many as 60 colors. So the options are many. Obviously, space and pragmatism prevent us from having every available style stocked in every size and in every color, so as you shop, begin by considering style, and we'll consider color options once you have a style or styles selected, and then size will follow. With high hopes, we set forth into the racks. The girls chat and browse, pull some styles they think will work, and we move to the dressing rooms.

Now think about your closest 5 friends. Are they all the same size, age, height, taste? Some brides are lucky, and they have a natural group of friends that look about the same and have similar tastes. But that is not the norm, so that is where my job comes in: to help find a dress that is satisfactory to everyone, and that the BRIDE likes. Although many stories are very similar, I think of one particular group.

It becomes clear as we begin trying on that the group of bridesmaids is quite disparate in their agendas as to what makes a good bridesmaid dress. The cast of characters includes: 1. a young college-age girl with no money that has expressed concern that we only consider dresses that fall into a certain price point, 2. the bride's cousin, who is married to some sort of Pastor, and feels the need to hide her collarbone out of modesty and respect, 3. a plus-sized girl who is quiet and embarrassed, and who carries her weight mostly in her thick middle, 4. an Aunt of the bride who is concerned that she will look ridiculous in a style too young, 5. we are missing a bridesmaid who couldn't make it because of her impending pregnancy and 6. we have the Maid of Honor, a gorgeous, stylish girl who I had met previously during the wedding gown shopping and who I liked and got on with very well.

It is not long before the Bride begins traveling from dressing room to dressing room, attempting to run interference as she tells her girls that they look good in the dresses they are trying on. But after a while of trying dresses on and having the girls all look at each other and saying, "I like that dress because it is a flattering fit," and another girl saying, "I don't like that one because it is too revealing, I like this one because it is more modest," and another girl saying, "but that one is way too much money," the Bride's eyes just about rolled into her head. Remember, all these conversations are made more awkward by the fact that this is the first time that many of these girls had ever even met each other!

Enter me. It occurs to me that I may just have the perfect dress solution for this motley group. It had everything, structure, modesty, age appropriateness, and the price tag. Heck, it even came in several shades of purple the bride liked! I thought we had a home run! One by one, all the bridesmaids tried it on, declared it a winner and me a miracle worker. The relief was palpable in the air. Until the Maid of Honor, the one girl I thought we didn't have to worry about, came out of her dressing room with a bad look on her face.

I mentioned to you that this girl was gorgeous and stylish. She had a petite figure and blond tousled hair she would throw around. Her style was showy, and although she looked great in this dress, apparently it did not rise to her level of fabulous enough and she declared, "I just don't like it."

Are you kidding?!? She looked great, and let's not forget why we are here. It isn't your show, Miss Thing, you don't need to be the most glamorous woman in the room, you just need to be comfortable, reasonably attired, and blend in with the other Maids. Got it? I can't express to you enough my frustration at her selfishness as these other girls struggled with their limitations and the bride jumped through hoops to make everyone comfortable. Couldn't she see the bigger picture?

Apparently not.

In the end, a solution was found. I counseled the bride with her options, and she opted to have the Maid of Honor wear a different style dress made by the same company in the same color. It had been the Bride's wish to have all her girls wear the same style, but in the end she decided that the styles were close enough and it wasn't worth the headache.

Best "Tales"

I'm getting ready to take a vacation this week, and this break from posting is giving me an opportunity to reexamine my blog, this project I spontaneously started in April. I had few readers for most of my first month, and going back to examine my progress, I realize that some of my favorite stories were probably never read by most of my readers.

So for Feel Good Friday, I am going to make a list, just as The Girl suggests, of five things that make me smile. This time, the list will be five of my favorite "Tales" from my dressing room, collected from my years of helping brides look for a wedding gown. And these are all 100% true, ladies and gentlemen, I can vouch for it!

1. One of the stories that makes people say, "Ewww, gross!" To hear about how brides remember to bring pictures of dresses they like, pictures of dresses they hate, an organizer full of budget information, and 9 of their closest friends to their appointment - yet forget something very important, click here.

2. This has to be a record to be documented in the Guinness Book; a marriage that was over before the last dance? To read more, click here.

3. Another gross one, folks. Who knew how much nastiness goes on at a bridal salon? But this time the guys are to blame. Click here if you dare!

4. And the guys strike again, but this time at the expense of an embarrassed Mom. Click here to read about a poor Mom that had to learn a little too much about her Son in the middle of my store.

5. My second post on this blog. It doesn't have the gross-out factor, or the heavy chuckles, but it is such a perfect example of the holes in logic that begin to appear as soon as a diamond is applied to the left hand that it is one of my all time favorite stories. Unfortunately, we deal with this kind of twisted thinking on a daily basis, and many brides can be spoken to quietly and slowly and will begin to see reason. That was not to be the case with this bride!

So I'm off for vacation. I don't plan to log in, so any comments you leave (and I LIVE for your comments on my crazy job!) will not appear until I return, but don't let that stop you from weighing in. Because of the sensitive nature of the stories I tell, my lawyers have advised me to review and approve all comments before they are made public, just in case someone identifies me, the store or one of the brides mentioned.

Have a great week, and happy Friday!

Snowzilla

Everyone loves a good story, so I thought I'd tell you about a bride of mine that may have been the ultimate in Bridezilla.

She wasn't a screaming, angry monster. She was entitled. And as you may recall from previous posts, I don't sit well with entitled. Entitled, to me, is the attitude "it's MY wedding!" to justify all sorts of selfish choices. Let me clarify, I do agree that it is the bride's wedding, she should get a dress that she loves. She should be able to choose just about everything for her big day so that she gets what she wants. But reality is, it is often a big deal for the fiance too, and for Moms and Dads that have been dreaming of their daughter's/son's wedding day for a lifetime. So there are times when you want to take their perspective into consideration.

For example, if your fiance is allergic to shellfish, you wouldn't serve shrimp as a main course because "it's YOUR day" would you? And if your Mom is in a wheelchair you wouldn't get married at a site that has staircases between the reception area, cocktail area, restrooms and picture location, because "it's YOUR wedding" would you? Of course not. You want all the people you love to have fun and be comfortable so they remember your wedding day fondly forevermore.

At least, that's what most people want.

I was checking out The White Petal, a wedding blog I follow, and a wintry post reminded me of this bride I've been alluding to. The post had pictures of snowy details and shades of white dreaminess. In the corner is a photo of a bride and groom outside in the snow, and she is wearing her beautiful strapless ballgown. Makes for a lovely picture, and her new commitment is surely keeping her warm, right?

Enter Lacey. Lacey came to me seeking a dramatic look for her wedding. She found it - a ball gown covered with silver embroidery, a detailed train, a swarovsy crystal tiara and not one, but two veils to be worn simultaneously for volume, with 4 tiers of embroidered tulle going from blusher to cathedral length. She confessed to me that she was getting marred in February, Valentines Day weekend, in fact, and envisioned an icy color palette of ivory, silver and purple. She would be having lots of outside pictures.

Outside pictures in February. Okay. I suppose, if she and her fiance are okay with that, it's their discomfort, not mine!

She returns not too long thereafter with her bridesmaids. They are going to each order their own style dress, as long as they are the same shade of silvery plum. As I am assisting these girls in finding the right style for each of them, one girl asks if we have any styles with sleeves. Not cap sleeves, but the longest sleeve possible. I confess to her that we don't have much like that in the bridesmaid department, most people prefer to wear something that won't be too hot for dancing, and then they'll wear a shawl for the limo ride from ceremony to reception. "No," she says, "Lacey will not allow shawls. She says it will ruin her pictures, but I get cold so easily. I just can't imagine standing outside in February without something on my arms."

I am surprised, "You mean she wants EVERYONE to take their pictures outside in the snow without any cover up?" I thought this was the ultimate in selfishness, to achieve a certain look at the expense of her bridesmaids' comfort. I was about to realize that there was something far more selfish.

"Oh, no," she said, "she's not doing JUST her formal pictures outside. She's having the entire CEREMONY outside in the snow."

My disbelief must have been clearly evident on my face. The bride spotted us from across the room and realized that this bridesmaid was telling me the plan. She zipped over and said, "I wish you guys would stop being such babies about this. The ceremony will be short, no more than 15 minutes, and then we'll do our pictures fast. I don't want you to cover your dresses with coats or shawls. It's MY wedding, and I want my photos to be snowy and beautiful."

This was her plan. 150 of her closest friends and family standing in the snow, dressed in their "black tie" clothing, along with 6 shivering bridesmaids and one satisfied, selfish bride that got her way.

I got a call about a month later from the Maid of Honor. The groom had called off the wedding and moved out. Perhaps he had decided that, since it was HER day, she could enjoy it by herself.

Bad Choices

Brides, brides, brides. Let me tell you about something that happened his week.

About 6 months ago a bride ordered a dress from me. It was a beautiful dress, I loved it on her. It was fitted all the way from the strapless top to the knees where it had a soft flare. It hugged her curves in all the best ways, at least the sample did. She had tried it on at another store before visiting me, but as I've heard before, this other store doesn't have a great reputation, and after giving them a try and getting some bad service, she decided to come look at us.

So here she is in my dressing room and she decides that this is The One. We hug, we take pictures, and now it is time to size her. I take her measurements and compare them to the Maggie Sottero size chart. She is about a size 6 (remember from my previous posts that bridal sizing is not the same as American sizing, so this size 6 is like a American size 2) which fits with my comparison of how the other dresses she tried are fitting her and how much extra fabric I am able to pull in the back. Then she drops the bomb.

"I would like to order a size 2," she says.

I explain to her the differences in bridal sizes vs. American sizes, I explain that dresses are easier to take in than to let out, and I discuss why the size 6 is the right size choice for her.

"I would like to order a size 2," she says. She explains that when she tried it on at a previous store she was able to try it on in a 2 and it fit perfectly, so that's what she'd like to do.

Now this is not adding up. First of all, her measurements and what I am seeing in front of me are not size 2. Plus, I don't know a single bridal store (aside from warehouse stores that deal in off-the-rack gowns) that would pay for a sample in a size 2. The only people that would be able to try it on are girls that wear a bridal size 2-6, and because it is so fitted, I'm not even sure a size 6 could get it on enough to see it. A store wouldn't make that bad investment. I shared this thought with her, gently asking if it was possible that she was mistaken. She told me that the other store had told her that the dress was a size 2.

As is our policy, the bride is in charge, so although I gave her my expert opinion that 6 was the way to go, she decided to order the size 2. You can probably figure out what happened this week. Her dress arrived, she came in to try it on and could barely squeeze it onto her body. Contortions and the assistance of two people were required, and once she had it on the seams were maxed out. The taffeta was stretched so tightly across her backside that her mother said, "will you even be able to sit down?" Her answer? "Why would I need to sit down?"

I felt awful about the fit of her dress, and our seamstresses are going to try to help her because her wedding is about a month away, but the bottom line is: she took the word of the shady store to which she had been previously over my good advice. My guess? When they told her that the dress she was wearing was a size 2, they were using American equivalencies instead of the manufacturers sizes. By using their own sizing system they would accomplish two goals, 1. make the bride feel better about the size dress she requires and 2. sabotage a bride who decides to order her dress online (see my post about wedding karma). And so although I was measuring her, showing her the size chart and even using other Maggie Sottero gowns as an example of how a fitted dress would be, she couldn't get that little "I'm a size 2" bug out of her head.

I hope she has a beautiful wedding and that everything works out for her. The lesson to be learned here is to trust the person who is giving you evidence to back up their advice. When you are buying a dress, size charts should be made available for you to see. Your consultant needs to explain to you the reasoning behind the size she recommends (believe me, I know that there are ruthless stores out there that will do the opposite, order you a big size to get the alterations income) so don't be afraid to ask questions and not commit until you understand and agree.

Second Chances

There are nay-sayers out there that are ready to criticize people, especially brides. And when a bride breaches a rule of etiquette, they will line up to point fingers (heck, I've been guilty of that). But on this Feel Good Friday, I'd like to tell you a quick story about a sweet bride that made me smile.

I'll call her Minnie, and she is a petite, quiet bride, whose eyes light up when she comes into the store, even if her tone of voice remains low and understated. When I first met her she was coming in to shop for her wedding gown. She was accompanied by friend, no mother. She apologized as she described the ball gown she wanted, strapless with a full pick-up skirt.

"Why are you sorry?" I asked. "You are the bride, you can have anything you want!" (I left out the obvious condition on this statement, she could have anything she could afford, but that is a different bride, a different story and a different day.)

"My Mother thinks it is inappropriate of me to want a big gown. She thinks I should have a small wedding with a simple dress. It's my second wedding, see, and she is embarrassed by the whole thing."

I take her to the dressing room and begin to show her the collection of dresses we have with full pick-up skirts that are strapless and that look good on a petite figure. As we are trying them on, I learn more. She had been married previously, but that marriage had ended when her husband was unfaithful to her. After some time, she found herself in a relationship with a friend she had known for years. They fell in love and decided to get married. It being his first marriage, his family offered to plan and pay for their wedding. The couple agreed.

Around this time in the appointment, she found the one. It was beautiful on her, it showed off her shoulders, framed and complemented her bustline, and the diamond-white taffeta and crystals looked like a natural extension of her body. But although she loved it, she suddenly found herself afraid to go against her Mother's wishes and order such a traditional wedding gown.

"What if we were to make it a little less traditional?" I suggested.

And that is how Minnie ordered and fell in love with her PINK wedding gown!

When it arrived in the store and she tried it on, it was perfection. The peachy-pink of the skirt with the diamond-white lace overlay was the perfect marriage of celebration and tradition-busting.

There will be no apologetic wedding gowns in my dressing room, no sirree!

Surprise! I Do!

Another week has passed, and it's Feel Good Friday once again. I thought I'd tell you about a bride who really surprised me with a neat idea, and let me tell you, after 15+ years, that doesn't happen all that often!

As I've mentioned before, I love weddings, and I love to chat with my brides while we're in the dressing room about the details of their big day. So here I am on the day in question chatting with a bride, let's call her Erica, about her wedding. She describes to me the food, the reception site, the centerpieces. Everything she describes sounds beautiful. I ask her about her colors for the wedding, and whether she is having bridesmaids that will be wearing that color, and she tells me that she has one bridesmaid who will not be wearing the color she has chosen for her flowers and invitations, but will be wearing something of her own choosing.

Okay, I think, not unheard of for a bride to let her bridesmaids pick out whatever they want. But usually this is the case in a very informal wedding, not a formal reception such as she has described.

She finds a dress and looks just beautiful in it - it is all over lace, strapless, beaded with pearls and sequins, with just a hint of a train. As we are measuring her and doing her paperwork to order her dress, she asks me about our privacy policy.

Hmm. We DO have a privacy policy, actually. It is our policy never to reveal which dress a bride is wearing to anyone else unless she has given us permission. (I get a lot of referrals from my brides, and if their friend asks me, "Can I see the dress she bought?" I will never show them. I will however, make sure they don't get the same dress!) But when it comes to our privacy policy, no one has ever asked me if we have one. This piques my interest! Is she concerned that someone in her group will try to peak at her special gown before the big day?

It's not that, she explains. She and her fiance have been dating for over ten years, and are very excited to finally tie the knot in front of all their family and friends at this quaint inn by the water. They are expecting a group of about sixty guests or so. Some of them will be traveling from across the country to be there. The only catch is, they think they are attending a birthday party for the groom, the wedding is a complete surprise for everyone! After dinner, just before the dancing starts, Erica will quickly change into her dress while the groom moves to the dance floor and the DJ begins to play the wedding march. An officiant will appear as Erica enters the room in her dress, holding a bouquet and she and her fiance will be joined in holy matrimony in front of their amazed guests!

She is wanting to make sure I know to keep the secret, don't accidentally mention her name to anyone, don't call the house and leave a message in case someone hears it. No one knows they're getting married, she says, and besides her and her fiance, I am the first person she has told.

"Then let me be the first to congratulate you!" and I hugged her. Her smile revealed her pleasure at finally letting her joyous secret be shared.

Would You Give Your Son Cancer for $500?

I heard from a Mother-In-Law of the bride recently. Her son's fiancee had ordered her dress from us and now she wanted to cancel her order.



Now, let me explain to you why wedding gowns are final sale at virtually every bridal salon across America. First, once a bride places her order, gets measured and puts a deposit on her gown, the bridal store places the order with the manufacturer, who then schedules the cutting of the gown with their factory in China. Remember, every gown is made to order, at least in this price point. The manufacturer looks at how many orders they have for each style of gown they offer, in each color and in each size to determine when they will be making the dress. Once they have scheduled the cutting of the gown and have sent their estimated date and order confirmation back to the store, the bridal shop cannot cancel the order and are committed to paying for this dress when it arrives in the store. The second reason dresses are final sale is that weddings get canceled, plans change, and the worst, brides will look at their beautiful dress they just bought from you on the internet and see a host of questionable websites willing to make it for them for less.

Although our store, like others, has the final sale policy, we will at times decide to return someone's money if we feel like the situation warrants it. Examples of this have been mostly death or illness of the couple or family or unexpected deployment for a bride or groom serving in the military. These times, by necessity are few and far between because we potentially lose hundreds of dollars not of lost profit, but actual money on a dress that was made to order and we may never sell again.

When this Mother-In-Law called, she announced that the wedding had been canceled and we needed to give the bride her money back. Her consultant explained the policy and told her that she could not get her money back. Then a string of calls demanding her money back. And this is how it was handed to me, being a senior consultant and, in essence, the boss of the floor. So I returned her call, listened to her rant about how the wedding was canceled and they didn't need a dress and she wanted her daughter-in-law-to-be to get her deposit back. I listened to everything she said, and then gently explained that I could not cancel the order with the manufacturer, therefore, I could not give her any money back.

There was a silence for a few seconds on the other end of the line. Then she dropped the bomb: "The wedding is canceled because of cancer. The chemo has been so expensive and the medical bills are too much and it's hard to plan a wedding when you are fighting for your life!"

I couldn't agree more. This is a horse of a different color. But, and I hate to be cynical, I noticed that she had never mentioned this fact in her previous phone calls, which I thought odd. I expressed concern for the health of the patient, noticing that she hadn't told me who it was. She told me that it looked like the cancer was in remission and quickly changed the subject back to when could the bride get her money back. I pushed on and asked if the bride had been the one fighting for her life. She said no, and asked again about when we would issue the refund. I kept pressing and asked if it was the groom, her son, who had been so ill? There was a moment's pause, then, "yes, yes it's my son."

I felt awful. But I didn't know what to feel awful about: that her son had cancer and was fighting for his life just as he should be beginning it, or that I felt like a terrible person because, I didn't believe her.

I promised to talk to the owner of the store and call back before the end of business with an answer.

I shared the story with my boss, and my doubts about it's veracity. She decided that we would give her a refund on the dress, but told me to call the bride and speak with her directly, since she is the one we contracted with and who bought the dress. I called her and got her on the phone. She was elated to find out that she would get her money back. I told her I was happy to have been able to help her and asked her how everyone was feeling, that her mother-in-law had told me about the illness.

She said, "Oh, yes, my Dad had had a lump removed from his lower back, but he had some chemo and it looks like they had gotten it all so he's good. He's glad that he'll be able to come to our wedding, now that we've decided to scrap the formal reception and get married in Jamaica!"

So my instincts were correct. No groom with cancer, apparently no one even fighting for their life. I felt like my sympathy was used and I had an awful turning in my stomach. But I had the last word: "I'm glad to hear that everyone's healthy and doing well and that the wedding is still on. I'll be sending you a check in two days for your refund. I would like you to know, however, that your future Mother-In-Law told me that it was not your father but your fiance who was battling cancer, and that your wedding was canceled because of his fight for life and the mounting medical bills. I myself just lost my Father unexpectedly recently, and I think Dads are just as important as the groom, so she didn't need to lie and give her son cancer to play on my sympathy and get you your money back."

She was embarrassed and apologized to me. I sent her the check and never heard from her or her Future-Mother-In-Law again. These are the days when I wonder about people and the differences between them and to what lengths they will go get their way.

Feeling Good About Love

For Feel Good Friday this week, I'd like to tell you about a movement in America that makes me happy.

This is a blog about me and my career selling wedding dresses. Sometimes I write about the brides' stories, and sometimes I'll write about weddings from my perspective. I never intended this to be a political soapbox. Yet I can't help but be happy that thousands of people across America who are blissfully in love are slowly gaining the right to be married. That's right, I'm talking about Gay Marriage.

I have never fully understood the argument against allowing two adults of the same sex to be married. If your faith does not agree with it, then, by all means, don't do it. I would never suggest that a religion, and their clergy, should be required to perform marriage ceremonies for same sex couples. But I do believe that representatives of the government, and clergy from certain accepting faiths should be allowed to perform a legal marriage ceremony. I have also heard the argument that gay unions are biologically unproductive; that the point of a marriage is to procreate, and if people began forming same-sex unions then the future of the human race and its procreation would hang in the balance. Okay, but does that mean we need to render birth control illegal as well, after all, a couple that chooses not to have children at all is "endangering the human race" as much as a homosexual couple.

So away from the politics for a moment, and fast forward to my store. Some might say that I have a vested interest in the making of gay marriage legal. After all, now I have the opportunity to sell the happy couple TWO dresses instead of one! I admit, this is true! I have known several women couples through my store, most of whom have both bought their dresses from me, (although some have had one wear a dress and the other wear a woman's tux) but I think of one couple in particular. I really enjoyed working with them. For ease of conversation, I'll call them Nora and Colleen. As I was helping Nora try on dresses in the dressing room, I got to share a moment with them. As I laced Nora into the dress that eventually became "the one" I was privy to both the look of expectant hope on her face as she turned to face her fiancee, as well as the look of pure love and pleasure on Colleen's face as she saw her intended looking so beautiful and they both registered that they had the freedom to make their love official. How can such affection not be celebrated, and how can this not make me happy today?

It Seemed Like a Good Idea at the Time...

Not only am I a wedding professional, but I have been invited to my share of weddings over the years. I have a couple of pet peeves I'd like to share in the hopes that I might open the eyes of some brides as to how your guests might receive some of those well-intentioned ideas you have.

1. Who came up with the idea of having the guests at a bridal shower pre-address their own thank you notes? I mean, really, they have been invited to this party for the sole purpose of having them contribute a gift to the future household of the bride. Is it really so much trouble for the bride to write the addresses on the envelopes as she hopefully sends a personalized note of gratitude to each attendee for their generosity? The next step can only be asking the guests to write the note themselves, "Dear Aunt Brenda, Thank you for the dishes I picked out on a registry and you paid for. Love," and leaving it blank for the bride to sign and seal. Perhaps we can save the bride a stamp by asking the guests to bring that, too?

2. At what other kind of party can you invite people to attend, therefore putting you in the role of "the host" and actually tell people that you are providing food for them, but if they are thirsty, they'll need to buy their own drinks? It has become so common to have a cash bar that brides and grooms have forgotten what they are actually asking people to do: come to their party and fend for themselves!

3. Have you ever been to a wedding where the bride was obviously scrimping and saving, cutting corners everywhere she could, only to walk down the aisle in a $7,000 Vera Wang gown? I have! I remember standing in line at an appetizer buffet for 45 minutes, waiting with the other 350 guests to gain access to the ritz crackers, cheese spread crock and cut up veggies while discussing how beautiful the bride looked in her gown. Now understand, I am not looking down on people that have realistic budgets and cannot afford caviar and foie de gras for everyone, that was certainly me at my wedding! Just that everyone has choices to make when deciding where to splurge and where to save, and it might not go over so well to have your captive hungry guests feeling the pinch of your wallet, and watching from below in serfdom with their $3 coke and carrot sticks while the Lady of the Land floats past in her Vera Wang. I'm just saying.

4. Or how about weddings where the ceremony takes place at like 10:00am, but the reception is at 3:00? Now you are in a town you don't know with four hours to kill, completely dressed up, and unsure whether you should grab a bite since, after all, it is lunch time and you need something to do, but not wanting to ruin your appetite for the wedding? Etiquette books tell us that a reception should follow the ceremony by no more than an hour in order to be called a wedding reception. So what was this couple thinking? Probably of themselves and their desire to have their ceremony at this particular location and a reception at that one, never mind that they weren't available at the times or date that the couple wanted. So they figured, no biggie! The guests can entertain themselves!

5. And my absolute biggest wedding guest pet peeve: since when is it ever appropriate to put a reference to gifts on a printed wedding invitation? "Mr. and Mrs. John Smith invite you to the wedding of their daughter Jane Elizabeth to Mr. Horatio Baldazar at 4:00 on June 17th, two thousand ten at Our Ladies of Bring Us Stuff. The Couple is Registered at Pottery Barn and Crate and Barrel. RSVP by May 1." and the absolute trifecta of bad-manners? A printed wedding announcement sent before the actual event (faux pas #1) with a reference to gifts (faux pas #2) that uses the term "greenback wedding" (and #3)! For those of you that have never been invited to a "greenback wedding", this is a wedding in which the couple is requesting that you bring them money. That's right, like a charitable organization, but without the tax-deductible benefit, they are making a plea for funds, often to pay off the wedding they could not afford in the first place.

I don't mean to sound negative, and everyone who knows me knows I love weddings. I am looking forward to a family wedding this summer, as a matter of fact. But the sense of entitlement that has become part of the culture blows my mind, "I know I'm on a tight budget, but I deserve to look like a princess on my wedding day!" (end result, situation #3 above), or "I don't really have enough money to get the wedding I have seen on Platinum Weddings, but it's my day, so I'll find a way to pay for it" (end result, situation #5 above) and even, "but it's MY wedding and I REALLY want my reception to be at this venue. If they aren't available at an appropriate time for my ceremony, we'll just have to make everyone wait!" (end result, situation #4).

C'mon people. Really.

Leave me a comment about your wedding pet peeves, I love them!

There is Worth in Curves

To set the scene for this next "Tale From My Dressing Room", it is important for you to understand a couple of basic points.

First is that I am no skinny minnie. I have had a couple of children, and let's face it, it has been years since anyone would have described me as "svelte." In my case, much of this girth comes in the form of an ample bosom. When I have the pleasure of trying on wedding gowns at my store, I find that the 18s are what fits me best through the bust, and that I would need alterations to take them in through the waist and hips. I even overheard another consultant refer to me by name in a closed-curtain conversation with one of her voluptuous brides, "I know exactly the dress you should try for your bustline. One girl who works here, Fiorella (real name excluded!), is VERY chesty, and I saw her try this on and it looked great!" But I digress - my point is that I understand the frustrations of trying on sample sizes that don't fit.

Point two is that in my business, I have become accustomed to vanity. Beautiful girls with lithe bodies finding a millimeter of skin to pinch and muttering "fat!" to themselves. Mothers telling their toned daughters that they should try some arm exercises before the wedding. Brides who are wearing dresses that fit them as close to perfectly as one could expect a sample to fit, pulling at different areas of the gown and asking how they are supposed to make a decision if they can't see the gown fitting them? My outward response is always reassurance and understanding, but inside I am doing a little eye-rolling. I mean, everyone knows that alterations are required for that wedding-day fit, right? So how much better do they expect the sample to fit? And could they please lower their voices in consideration of the girl in the next dressing room who is clearly a women's-size figure? Stop pouting already!

So imagine my mindset when I had a bride in my dressing room who spotted a size 10 dress on a mannequin she LOVED. She just HAD to try it on. I squirmed on the inside, and gently warned her that this dress was a very fitted mermaid, and although we had managed to get several size 10 samples onto her size 20 body enough so she could get an idea, this one would likely prove more challenging. She insisted that she just HAD to try.

I began to put the gown over head. I succeeded in getting the hipline of the dress down over her bustline, but it became clear that it was going no further south than that. I looked at her, the torso of the gown bunched around her middle, giving the illusion of a knee-length skirt with great volume and train. Her arms were stuck straight up in the air. All I could see of her face was her eyes, just peeking over the top of the strapless neckline, the scalloped lace detail covering her nose and mouth. My heart stopped as I had visions of her bursting into tears in self-loathing and frustration as she realized that her dream dress was not to be. I took a deep breath and held it as she turned and faced the mirror. Her eyes grew to the size and shape of silver dollars. Here it comes, I thought, be ready for support and reassurance, and the ever-present box of tissues.

"I LOVE it!", she cried, and sighed with delight!

Lesson learned. I have always been very secure with myself, and have no hangups with the way I look or the size I am. The number sewn into my clothing has never played an integral part in my identity and how I value myself. But years of working with brides and playing into their vanity has jaded me into believing that low self-worth is the norm. Cheers to this bride for having vision and seeing how beautiful she really was and the potential in this dress!

Very Superstitious

Working with wedding gowns, it does not surprise me the superstitions surrounding THE DRESS. I mean, after all, the dress symbolizes the start of a new journey, and everyone has wishes that this phase of their life will be fulfilling and joyous, right? So if members of a sports team will all get mohawks to ensure a big victory and my husband will wear his lucky underwear to a big presentation, doesn't it make sense that we might see this kind of behavior at the bridal salon?

Everyone has heard that it is bad luck to see the bride in her dress before the wedding. Mothers will commonly admonish their daughters as they take pictures of the dress they are purchasing, "Don't you dare let your fiance see these pictures!" But did you know that this widely-held superstition is really just a culturally specific practice? In Jewish tradition, the bride and groom would see each other before the ceremony for a "veiling". In some Asian cultures, it is common for the fiance to shop with the bride and select and pay for her gown.

The most common superstition at my store is the "it's a sign!" superstition. People are always expressing their belief that a higher power, or fate, is telling them which dress to wear. For example, I'll have a bride on a pedestal in a dress she loves. She is gazing adoringly at herself in the mirror when all of a sudden she will realize that our sound system is playing the song she and her fiance are going to use for their first dance. Yes! This is it! It's a sign! This dress is the one! Now I am no expert in the existence of a higher power, or his/her interest in women's fashion, but I will tell you that I will NEVER mention to this bride that our sound system is stocked with music commonly played at ceremonies, first dances, father daughter dances, cake cuttings, etc. My boss is no dummy!

Then there's the name game. If you have been reading my posts, then you already know that many designers are giving their dresses names instead of style numbers. Another smooth marketing trick! How many times have I had a girl named Becky tell me she just had to try on Maggie Sottero's "Rebecca" and then end up buying it, all because they both share the same name? Are these girls under the illusion that the dress was made for them and that's why it has their name on it? And the marketing people at Maggie are no dummies either, because they keep naming dresses after the common names of the day, yet there is a distinct lack of "Mavis", "Bertha" and "Hortense".

Then there was the bride who had been searching forever for the right gown. I can only assume that in her mind she felt like she needed to try something different, because what she was doing was not working. So what did she try? She decided to stop shaving. Okay. A little strange, but certainly doesn't bother me in any way. But I'm not sure of what connection she felt like her grooming had with the lack of ability to find the right dress. She did buy a beautiful gown with me that was "the one", and as she stood in her strapless gown with just a hint of fuzz peeking out from her armpits, she said, "It has to be the one if I can still feel beautiful." So maybe there was some wisdom to her method after all.

And for my final story. I had a bride arrive for her appointment who had been all over searching for a gown (are you seeing the trend here of brides held hostage by superstitions?). We had a wonderful appointment and she looked beautiful in a number of gowns. There were several she really liked, but I noticed that she was quite deliberate in the way she examined each dress she considered. That is, most brides will put on a gown and spend most of the time looking at themselves in it in the mirror. In her case, if she liked a dress, she would spend quite a bit of time examining the lace or appliques quite closely while her lips moved silently. Maybe she's seamstress, I thought, and she's examining the quality. Either way, dress after dress was nixed for reasons I did not understand, until we came to a dress she clearly loved. Her face lit up as she wore it, and it looked as though it was made for her. But as she began her close inspection of the gown, she announced that it wasn't the one; she looked crestfallen. I didn't understand, and asked her why she wouldn't get the dress she clearly loved. She pointed to a tiny embroidered flower on the bodice, just one of many embroidered and beaded flowers of varying shapes and sizes throughout the gown. "It has six petals," she said, "I need a dress with flowers on it, but all the flowers need to have an odd number of petals." She must have seen my confusion, for she continued to explain, "You know, he loves me, he loves me not, he loves me, he loves me not..."

I was able to save the day by getting her the dress she loved, and having the offending flower applique trimmed down to a five petal variety. And as soon as I'm done writing this, I'm going to get my wedding gown out of its acid-free packing and examine it closely, as I hadn't thought to before, to make sure my husband and I have a future together.

Wish me luck!

For an "Extra Large" Laugh

For this week's Feel Good Friday, a story that had me in stitches and also demonstrated a Mom's choice to look on the bright side of things. Also, I see from the poll at the left of this page that readers most enjoy the crazy stories I tell, so here goes.

A gentleman came into my store to return his tuxedo from his brother's wedding the Saturday previous. (Pause to remind you of the chaos we have in the tux department, don't forget the disgusting story "Don't Read This if You Just Ate Lunch!") If I was guessing his age, I would peg him at somewhere in his mid to late 20's. I was chatting with him about the wedding as I unzipped the tux bag and began sorting all the pieces, shirt, shoes, pants, etc. I noticed that his tie was missing and asked him about it. He looked at me blankly and said, "It isn't in there?" I told him no, it was not, and did he know where he might have left it? I tell him that if the tie is not returned, he will forfeit his security deposit. This is a conversation I have several times every week with guys ranging in age from prom kids to Grandfathers of the Bride, but apparently this was too much information to process. He looked at me with the most vapid of expressions and said, "Let me get my Mom."

His Mom. Okay.

He exited the store, went back to his car and got in, whereupon a woman who looked to be in her 60's that I could only assume was his Mother got out of the driver's side where she had been waiting and entered. I explained to her that the tie was missing and that the security deposit would be forfeited if it could not be found. She told me that it might have gotten tucked in to another tux bag from a different member of the bridal party and that she would check with them. "No problem," I say, for this is a common occurrence. As we have this conversation, I am continuing to sort through the tux, which includes reaching into all the pockets to make sure that all contents thereof are returned to the renter. Usually the contents are either money, wedding favors, seating cards or mints, but the policy is that whatever we find in the pockets is the property of the person returning the tux.

I feel something in the inside pocket of the tux and immediately know from a sense of touch that I am in a pickle.

I do not want to hand this to this woman.

But, it is store policy, and this is the property of her son so I pull it out and hand it to her. A condom.

I immediately bury my head in the paperwork I am doing in the returning process, but not before I see her considering what I have handed her. Perhaps it is because of her age, but she does not seem to realize immediately what it is, and holds it at arm's length and squints to read the words on it, which even I can read now from where I am standing: "Extra Large".

I was probably 10 shades of red when she registered what it was she was holding and muttered a quiet, "Oh!" She must have felt the need to fill the awkward silence that had developed between her and I and the other guys standing around watching this unfold. She said, in the tone of someone checking a task off a to do list, "Good. At least I won't have to worry about being a Grandmother before I'm ready!"

We finished up and I watched her return to her son, waiting unknowingly, for his mother to return to him, his extra large condom clutched in her hand.

Oh, how I wish I was a fly on the dashboard of that car that day!

Pick Your Shopping Buddies Wisely

I was going to write today about sample sizes, but I realize its been a few posts of advice and info, and a while since I gave you any gossip from my dressing room. So I'll put off my post on sample sizes, and I'll tell you a story.

Not too long ago a bride came into my store. She was a plus-size girl (by bridal standards) who had a bit of a challenge with standard sample sizes. She was an in-between size, so she tried some of my plus-size samples, and they were large on her, and she tried on some standard samples and had a hard time envisioning them because they wouldn't pull all the way up her arms or come down over her hips.

She had brought with her a large group to help her choose her special gown, including her Mother and Aunts. These individuals appeared to have maybe not seen each other in a long time, because there was much storytelling and laughter going on outside the dressing room as the bride and I struggled to find the right dress.

Each time she came out of the dressing room to show the group a dress, it was met with responses of "you look like a cupcake" or "that dress makes you look like you are wearing a doily," and there would be guffaws all around. The bride would ask questions like "what do you think of this neckline on me?" or "I like this shade of ivory, what do you think?" to try to elicit some sort of positive response from the group. After all, she was shopping for her wedding gown, and although they might not have cared for the exact dress she had on, the bride had picked it to try on for a reason and she wanted to find out if the things she liked about it were working on her. She was unable to get any positive feedback.

Her Mother spotted in my headpiece case a crown. It was enormous, and they pointed and laughed at it. I explained to her that it was not a bridal tiara, but a quinceanera crown*, and that was why it was so big. Her Mom asked her daughter if she would try it on. She responded that it was way too big and she was focusing on finding the right dress first. Back in the dressing room, I supported her decision to not be distracted by her group but to continue with the wedding gowns.

Two dresses later, her Mother walks into the dressing room holding the crown. She says in a serious voice that she would very much like to see her daughter wear the crown with the next dress, and she leaves the dressing room. We put on the next gown and the bride really likes it. It has a fit she likes, she loves the beading, and the price is nicely in her budget. She dons the enormous headpiece and exits the dressing room. The moment she is within sight of her group they all burst into guffaws and jeers. She stands on the pedestal waiting for the group to settle down, but this doesn't happen. She is waiting for someone to notice the beautiful dress she loves, but the focus is on the large crown on her head. Eventually, she turns and heads back to the dressing room.

I am walking behind her and carrying her train so I don't see the tears until I close the curtain behind me. "They all think this is a big joke," she sobs to me, "I just want to be beautiful on my wedding day, and they just want to make fun of me. I don't want to try on any more dresses." I nodded my understanding, and encouraged her to return at another time, perhaps with just her maid of honor, to try on dresses again. She said she would try, but she was from out-of-town and had planned this trip to come see me and my great selection of plus-size gowns and didn't know if she could get back. As she walked out fully dressed, her Mom said, "What? Is the fashion show over?" and the group left the store.

I have thought about her from time to time, but haven't seen her since. I sincerely hope that she found a beautiful dress, and that her fiance and friends tell her how beautiful she is, because her Mom and Aunts certainly won't.

*Quinceanera is a "Sweet 15" celebration in certain Mexican and Latino cultures, the equivalent of a bar/bat mitzvah or a debutante party. It is traditional for the girl turning 15 to look much like a cross between a bride and a beauty pageant contestant, with a white dress and over-the-top crown. She will have attendants, like bridesmaids and groomsmen.