Indecisions

I am reminded at this time of year of a Bride of mine that got married last year a few days after Christmas.

She was from out of State and purchased her dress from me. She was a lovely girl, I liked her very much, but she and I had one very. major. difference.

She AGONIZED over EVERYTHING.

Now, in my line of work, I am used to dealing with agonizers... if I haven't told you yet of the Bride who made six trips to the store (as well as trips to other stores) then I will have to soon. But suffice it to say, it comes with the job.

But this Bride took it to a whole new level. She spent three appointments with me to choose the dress she could have picked in her first appointment, and each of these appointments ran longer than intended, with other Brides waiting in the wings to get into the dressing rooms. She would just STARE at herself and say, "I LOVE it, but I don't know..." so I would counsel her on her doubts, but no. No doubts. "I love it... but what if..." By the end of the third appointment, I made the suggestion that perhaps she could consider purchasing more than one dress if she was so afraid of committing to just one... then she could have a different look for the ceremony, dinner and dancing. Three looks, three dresses, no commitment-phobia. Mom jumped in and saved the day by pushing the Bride to make a choice for the one she clearly loved and STOP second guessing herself. Guess she was afraid her daughter might like my suggestion and stick her with a HUGE bill from my store...

And every decision went this way. Bridesmaid dresses. Veils and accessories. And the tuxes. Oh, the tuxes. When they say there is a perfect match for everyone, it is SO true, because this man, this wonderful man that I grew to like equally well as his fiancee, was JUST as indecisive as his intended! Most grooms arrive, point to the tux on display that they like, decide whether to do a bow tie or windsor band tie, figure out which colors match the bride and her maids, get measured and are done. Not this guy! He tried on his favorite style to see how he looked... then tried on his second favorite... then tried the first on again but with a different vest color... OMG!

Okay, I don't get it. What makes people so unsure about their own decisions that they are so afraid to make the wrong one? Do people really self-flagellate after making a choice that they are not sure is the absolute right choice? It is something I simply cannot relate to - I value my own time far too much to waste it on waffling. And I have better areas in which to focus my mental energy than punishing myself for a decision that was good - but was it the BEST choice?

As the Owner of the store has taught me, and she has been doing this successfully for years (but I won't say how many because she looks younger than she is!), when a bride expresses a need to try on everything before making a choice, I point out to her that in our store alone we have 400 gowns - and at the average appointment you try on a max of 10. You would need 40 appointments to try everything - and that's just one store. At some point you have to find a system for eliminating based on what you like and dislike.

After all: did you need to date every available bachelor in the world to find the right one to marry?

Special Customers

A practical post with some tips and advice for a subject not often addressed: what do you do if a bride, groom or a member of your party has special needs?



Let me start by saying that, obviously, there are many people with special needs, and they can run the gamut from intellectual challenges to physical handicaps, and each person deserves to be treated with caring and dignity, regardless of their difficulty. Whether you are getting married and have special needs, or whether a member of your party does, it can be helpful to know before you arrive at the bridal shop the kind of challenges you might face.



Wheelchair: If you are shopping for a wedding gown and you use a wheelchair, the only difficulty arises when 1. the actual store has stairs and/or no handicapped accessible restroom, or when it comes time for the sizing. A bride who is planning on wearing a traditional gown while in a wheelchair, may want to consider either having the train on her dress removed, or having her dress customized so that the train is a Watteau style train that falls from between her shoulders instead of from the skirt. Do not stand up to be sized for your hollow to hem (the length of your gown), remain seated, so that the hem of your dress will fall where you want it as you come down the aisle.

Mentally Challenged: We most often see the mentally challenged at the Bridal Store when it is time to size family members of the Bride and Groom for their bridesmaid dresses and tuxes. To get a good fit, and spend less on alterations, it is imperative that the sizer be able to ask and get meaningful responses to questions such as, "what size do you normally wear? Your bust measurement and waist measurement are putting you in two different sizes - I recommend we do such-and-such. What do you think?" If the customer is unable to answer these questions, it is strongly suggested that, just as in sizing of underage individuals, an adult friend or family member be present to assist in the determination of size.

Hearing Impaired/Blind: not usually an issue, actually. I have waited on both and find that communication may be slower, but is not typically impossible. I recommend that someone who has a communication challenge, or someone who will not be able to see the dresses they are trying on very well and will be relying on touch and others' opinions, try to make your appointment be during a slow period so that you will not feel rushed.

Amputees and Other Physical Differences: Usually more of an issue in the tux department than the bridal area. Dresses cover the lower half of the body, and necklines vary, but in the tux department, every tux comes with two legs and two sleeves. I usually ask a customer's preference when sizing for a tux: would they prefer to have the pant leg hemmed up to their limb? Would they prefer a weight be placed in a sleeve to give it shape when he is standing so as not to be obvious in pictures? At our store, like all the best stores, we own all our merchandise and have it on the premises, so we can make adjustments until the wearer feels completely comfortable.

Have you ever heard the philosophy that you should not make assumptions about a person's attitude towards their challenge, but you should take your cues from them? Like, should you offer to open a door for someone on crutches, or would that person feel like your good-will is more like pity? With this in mind, I genuinely welcome every person who enters my store, and wait for them to give me cues as to how they would like to proceed. If I get none, I gently ask. ("Would you like assistance getting into your strapless bra, or would you prefer I wait outside?") It seems to be working for me so far!

**I'd like to thank DA, who treats all his customers with the utmost care and dignity and has taught me almost all of what I know about assisting those with differences. His special customers come back to him again and again!

Back to Basics

What could feel better on this Friday than finding that perfect dress? You know, the one that when you put it on you feel like a Bride? Like yourself, only all grown up and highlighting all the parts of you that you like best? THAT dress.

Here are simple instructions how to find it:

1. Set a wedding date and location. It is imperative that you do these things before you start your search.

2. Work out a budget for your whole wedding, and for your dress specifically.

3. Start looking through magazines and internet sites for dress ideas. If there is a specific dress you are drawn to, find out the designer, who in your area carries it, and call to find out the price. If it is within your budget, make an appointment to go in.

4. Look for a reputable store in your area that carries dresses in your price point and with your timing in mind. Don't be afraid to tell the store your needs, "I'm looking to try on wedding gowns in the $800 range. I will be getting married in 6 months. Do you have dresses in that price range that I can get by then?" There is no point visiting a store that is too pricey, or one that offers special-order only when you need something quickly. Your time is valuable, and a store will be grateful to know that you aren't wasting their time as well.

5. Once you have found the store you want to visit and have made your appointment, gather your dress ideas and decide who will accompany you. As you have seen in previous posts, the people you choose to bring can make the difference between a support system, or disorganized chaos. Strongly consider bringing only 2 or 3 people. If you are not paying for the dress, bring the person who is (Mom, Nana, etc.), and make sure your group has a representative from your age group as well as someone a little older who has known you for a while.

6. DO NOT make an appointment to shop if you know you cannot buy a dress yet. This is not to say you MUST buy a dress at your first store, just that at many stores the styles change rapidly and dresses can be discontinued or sold off the rack with no notice. It can be heartbreaking to walk away from a dress you love because you need to wait for your next paycheck. It is doubly heartbreaking if the dress is gone once you are ready to buy.

7. Arrive at the store a few minutes early, leaving coats and valuables in the car if possible. Use the restroom, take deep breaths. This is much easier if you are unencumbered and not distracted.

8. Talk to your consultant about your wedding, the location, date and time of day. Tell her about the feel of your day, formal, simple, sophisticated, romantic, elegant, etc. Then talk about your ideas of things you like or don't like about dresses you've seen. Tell her your budget. A good consultant should be listening here, and asking questions, but not talking much. Once you have finished with your thoughts, she should guide you through the process. Every store has different procedures, and she should help you to understand how your appointment will work, "Susie, if you step in here you'll see we have hundreds of dresses for you to look through. Browse through and pick several favorites. Based on your ideas, I have some suggestions for you as well. Once we have picked a few together, we'll move to the dressing room and start trying on, sound good?"

9. Follow your consultant's lead. Your consultant has done this before, and knows how to run an appointment. She will keep you on track and moving forward. Don't waste valuable time on dresses you don't like. Try to identify what it is you don't care for and move on.

10. Allow yourself to take suggestions from your consultant. She has no motive other than wanting to find you a dress you love, and she knows her inventory and has experience with a variety of body types.

11. Typically, Brides will find that they have one or two dresses they like above the others. Try the dress(es) back on, if you aren't in it already, to see if you still have the same reaction. Ask your consultant to accessorize it for you with a veil and such. Step out of the dressing room, look at yourself in movement, look at it bustled. Look from the front and back.

12. Not all Brides cry! I know I was way to pragmatic for that! But that doesn't mean you don't love it. Ask yourself: Does the dress flatter you? Is it appropriate for the wedding you are planning? Is it in your budget? Can you see yourself walking down the aisle in it? Will you enjoy looking at pictures of yourself wearing it for years to come? Does the dress make you feel beautiful? If the answer to these questions is yes, then,

You have found your dress!

13. Do it! Jump in with two feet! Don't question whether there is another dress out there because, yes, there are lots of dresses out there, and you can NEVER try them all on and what you don't see won't hurt you! You have already researched the store where you are standing right now, so don't second guess yourself and risk losing your perfect gown.

-If, of course, you cannot answer a resounding yes to the questions posed in #12, then it is best not to make a hasty decision. I assume that most consultants are like myself - I like to be able to sleep at night, and I look forward to a long relationship with each Bride that buys from me, so I would never push a Bride to buy a dress she is wishy washy about.

Bookmark this, print it out and happy shopping!

To Strapless, or Not To Strapless; That is the Question

If you have looked at a bridal magazine, or Say Yes to the Dress anytime recently, you have probably seen that the bridal styles are dominated by strapless dresses. But many brides come in and say they don't want one - what then?

Now, I happen to be a big fan of dresses with straps, cap sleeves, one shoulders, etc. But the reality of it is, if you decide before you shop not to wear a strapless, you are eliminating a huge percentage of the available styles. It may be harder to find a gown that has all the other aspects you like, if you are only looking at styles with a certain neckline. So the first thing I do when a bride tells me she doesn't want a strapless is find out why. There are many reasons people give - some are good, some not so good. And by not so good, I don't mean to say that brides should be forced to wear something they don't like, just that their reason for not even trying on a dress with a certain feature is based on a fallacious premise.


Bad Reasons Not to Try On a Strapless

"I have a big chest, and I don't want to have my dress keep slipping down." - If you have seen someone wear a dress that is slipping down it has nothing to do with the size of her bust, but with the quality of her alterations. Either she lost a few pounds at the last minute, whoever tied her corset back didn't do it tightly enough, or she skimped on alterations.

"I have a small chest, so there's nothing to hold it up." - Your chest does not hold up a strapless. Your waist and hips do. When the dress is fitted well to the smallest curve of your body, it can't possibly slide down because, by definition, the dress is to small in the waist to slide down over your hips. The boning inside the bodice helps it to hold its shape, and so the dress is held up by the curve of your hips.

"I don't think a strapless will look good on me." - People have many reasons for thinking this, and it may be because you have tried on a strapless in the past and not liked how it looks. But all strapless dresses are not shaped the same. For example, some petite girls don't look in a strapless because they don't have a "pleasing proportion" of skin showing from the top of the dress to the hollow of their neck (the standard is about 4"). On these girls, a strapless can appear to look like it is too high and right under their chin. I would suggest a sweetheart-style strapless to open her up through the throat and show a little more skin and decolletage. A girl might think that a strapless shows too much cleavage. This bride should try a gown that does not dip in the front in any way, and maybe even has a detail like scalloped lace or a crumbcatcher for extra coverage of the bust. Tell your consultant your concerns to see what she thinks.

Good Reasons Not to Wear a Strapless

#1 Most Important: Afraid to be bare. Often I will have a bride in my dressing room in a dress that fits perfectly and she'll be yanking up at the gown to lift it up higher. I'll ask her if it feels like the dress is slipping, and I'll even demonstrate that if I pull down sharply on the gown it still won't come down over her hips and expose her. She'll nod and agree and a few minutes later be yanking at her dress again and stealing downward glances at her cleavage. Why? Because she feels so bare she will never trust that she isn't hanging out. This is the kind of bride I would prefer just choose a different dress rather than be fidgeting throughout her wedding day.

Shoulders that need to be covered - whether you have a dark tattoo that you don't trust to concealer makeup, or linebacker shoulders that are broad, muscular or sloping, these are often best disguised or visually broken up by a strap or a one shoulder design.

Religious or Modesty Concerns - Although more churches are getting away from this, many faiths or individual Officiants are still enforcing rules that require the Bride to cover her shoulders, arms, back, etc. Even if a Pastor doesn't require it, some Brides and their families feel that a certain amount of skin coverage is appropriate for such an occasion.

A very thick middle - if your waist measurement is your largest measurement, it will be difficult to alter the dress in a way that will allow it to be secure without sliding down.

My lesson in this is that it is, after all, your wedding and your dress. It would just be a shame to eliminate a possibility because of a reason you hadn't shared with your consultant. So make sure to talk to her and share your concerns. She may find a solution, like a dress perfect in every other way, that can be altered or customized with straps, or that the right accessory like a veil or bolero, will complete your dream look.

Happy shopping!

All About Dressing "The Girls"

For my Feel Good Friday post, I am thinking about a bride who was endowed with a generous bustline, who despaired of ever finding a dress that would make her look modest enough to be married in a church, and maybe a little less wide up top. I was happy to give her pointers that eventually led to her perfect dress, and that really made my week! I thought I would share these tips with you since so many brides come to my dressing room with the same concern...

Myth #1: Regardless of what you have heard, halters are not the number one go to style for a busty figure. The structure lifts and squeezes "the girls" together, creating more of a cleavage line that will be visible to your guests. Also, the weight of the strap on the back of the neck can be irritating or painful for a girl with a large bust who is having all that weight supported on her neck. If you like this style on you, make sure your dress is generously boned to take as much of the weight off your neck as possible.

Tip #1: Try a dress with a wide tank strap. The strap accomplishes several things, it provides support for the gown and your bust, and a wider strap will distribute the weight so it doesn't pinch. The strap will also cover the top portion of your bust, the part that hangs over the top in a strapless gown, and provides more skin coverage. An added benefit is that visually you look longer, since your dress is not cut off at the chest like a strapless, but goes all the way up to the shoulder. A V-neck tank is a very flattering cut. Do NOT wear a spaghetti strap - the proportion is all off and the tiny strip of fabric looks lost in a sea of flesh, it'll make you look bigger.

Tip#2: Try a gown with a wrap or pull structure. What this provides for the girl with a curvy figure is a definition beneath the bustline, defining the waist and making sure that fullness through the chest does not mean fullness everywhere. Busty girls are often familiar with the frustration from shopping for clothes that fit in the bust and then hang off the body like a muumuu, but the wrap will give you shape. Note: this doesn't work well if you are busty AND are an apple figure, the added fabric at the waist will be bulky, so try a princess seamed dress instead.

Myth #2: Many people feel a busty girl should not wear strapless. I don't think that's necessarily true. It depends how her shoulders look; most naturally chesty girls have muscular shoulders from carrying around the weight of the breasts, and sometimes they have shoulder dents from bra straps. These girls probably should not wear a strapless. But if you have evaluated your shoulders and you think they are not dented or husky like a football player, than you should try a strapless to see what you think. Remember that when you wear a strapless gown you have a choice how high to wear it; a busty girl should wear it a little higher to cover more flesh, but not so high she doesn't have enough room between dress and throat or that she gives herself armpit flaps.

Tip #3: Try strapless dresses with details at the neckline. A crumbcatcher is a beautiful and modern touch that gives a little extra coverage. A piece of scalloped lace that extends up the neckline by even a 1/2 inch or so can soften and add modesty.

Tip #4: A straight-across strapless will generally minimize a bust, a sweetheart will accentuate a curve and reveal more cleavage.

These are general rules of thumb, meant to assist someone struggling with finding the right dress but not understanding why she doesn't love any. Every girl is different, and all kinds of factors come into play such as height, body shape, etc. EVERY bride deserves to look and FEEL beautiful on the day when they start their new joined life and when they know all eyes are on them, here's hoping you do!

As always, feel free to leave me a comment with your wedding gown questions and I'll try to answer them.

Bad Choices

Brides, brides, brides. Let me tell you about something that happened his week.

About 6 months ago a bride ordered a dress from me. It was a beautiful dress, I loved it on her. It was fitted all the way from the strapless top to the knees where it had a soft flare. It hugged her curves in all the best ways, at least the sample did. She had tried it on at another store before visiting me, but as I've heard before, this other store doesn't have a great reputation, and after giving them a try and getting some bad service, she decided to come look at us.

So here she is in my dressing room and she decides that this is The One. We hug, we take pictures, and now it is time to size her. I take her measurements and compare them to the Maggie Sottero size chart. She is about a size 6 (remember from my previous posts that bridal sizing is not the same as American sizing, so this size 6 is like a American size 2) which fits with my comparison of how the other dresses she tried are fitting her and how much extra fabric I am able to pull in the back. Then she drops the bomb.

"I would like to order a size 2," she says.

I explain to her the differences in bridal sizes vs. American sizes, I explain that dresses are easier to take in than to let out, and I discuss why the size 6 is the right size choice for her.

"I would like to order a size 2," she says. She explains that when she tried it on at a previous store she was able to try it on in a 2 and it fit perfectly, so that's what she'd like to do.

Now this is not adding up. First of all, her measurements and what I am seeing in front of me are not size 2. Plus, I don't know a single bridal store (aside from warehouse stores that deal in off-the-rack gowns) that would pay for a sample in a size 2. The only people that would be able to try it on are girls that wear a bridal size 2-6, and because it is so fitted, I'm not even sure a size 6 could get it on enough to see it. A store wouldn't make that bad investment. I shared this thought with her, gently asking if it was possible that she was mistaken. She told me that the other store had told her that the dress was a size 2.

As is our policy, the bride is in charge, so although I gave her my expert opinion that 6 was the way to go, she decided to order the size 2. You can probably figure out what happened this week. Her dress arrived, she came in to try it on and could barely squeeze it onto her body. Contortions and the assistance of two people were required, and once she had it on the seams were maxed out. The taffeta was stretched so tightly across her backside that her mother said, "will you even be able to sit down?" Her answer? "Why would I need to sit down?"

I felt awful about the fit of her dress, and our seamstresses are going to try to help her because her wedding is about a month away, but the bottom line is: she took the word of the shady store to which she had been previously over my good advice. My guess? When they told her that the dress she was wearing was a size 2, they were using American equivalencies instead of the manufacturers sizes. By using their own sizing system they would accomplish two goals, 1. make the bride feel better about the size dress she requires and 2. sabotage a bride who decides to order her dress online (see my post about wedding karma). And so although I was measuring her, showing her the size chart and even using other Maggie Sottero gowns as an example of how a fitted dress would be, she couldn't get that little "I'm a size 2" bug out of her head.

I hope she has a beautiful wedding and that everything works out for her. The lesson to be learned here is to trust the person who is giving you evidence to back up their advice. When you are buying a dress, size charts should be made available for you to see. Your consultant needs to explain to you the reasoning behind the size she recommends (believe me, I know that there are ruthless stores out there that will do the opposite, order you a big size to get the alterations income) so don't be afraid to ask questions and not commit until you understand and agree.

Brides: Made in the USA

There is an overwhelming and pervasive sense of patriotism in our country - our economy has been affected by natural disasters like Hurricane Katrina and regional floods, our coastline is the victim of an oil spill and a war rages on on the other side of the world. We all want to support our brothers and sisters by spending our dollars locally, and if not locally, then at least in the United States.

It is with this in mind that I will often have brides arrive in my dressing room and start asking questions about the gown they like, "Is this made in the USA?"

Now I don't purport to be an expert on every manufacturer and design house available, particularly the ones that are very pricey. But I can tell you this: the dresses that fall into the $1000 range, plus or minus a few hundred are all made in China. To my knowledge, there are no exceptions to this rule, unless you are talking about a seamstress making a dress custom for a bride, but I'll discuss that in a minute.

Why is it that these garments are made in China? Let's do the math. On a thousand dollar dress at least $500 to $600 goes to the store where it was purchased, to pay for their costs (rent, utilities, cost of samples, commission to salespeople, shipping, labor to have it pressed and prepped, etc.) leaving $400 to $500 to cover the manufacturer's costs (designers, administration and distribution, advertising, materials and factory expenses and, of course, hours of hand labor for the assembly and beading of these garments). Since the Chinese will work for pennies on the dollar that an American will be paid, the same exact dress, were it to be made in the USA, would be hundreds if not thousands more, depending on the number of hours required to make each one.

In an ideal world, we would have all our manufacturing needs, including wedding gowns, manufactured domestically. Unfortunately, since the 85% of brides are going to spend between $500 and $1500 for their dress (most of the rest will spend less), that puts American-made dresses out of the running. If you have the money to spend, and country of origin is important to you, I applaud you for making America and our fellow citizens your priority. If you are trying on dresses and you ask the salesperson where the dress was manufactured, and you think you might be getting a runaround, check the label. It is the law to keep these two tags inside every garment: the country of manufacture and cleaning instructions. So you should be able to find this information out just by looking in the seam of your dress. If this tag is not there, ask about it, because it is illegal for the bridal store to remove it on both on the sample and on your actual dress.

If you fall into this price point, and spending your money locally is important to you, I can offer two suggestions. The first is that you can opt to try for an independent seamstress to make one for you custom. They will not have all the overhead of the design house. The downside for some brides is the leap of faith required for having a dress made that has not been tried on. Even if you bring the seamstress a picture of a dress you love and ask her to copy it, she certainly does not have the pattern and her creation will fit differently than the sample you may have tried on. Another downside is that if the dress has a lot of expensive fabric or beadwork, the materials and labor cost may end up pricing you out of your budget anyway.

The other option for spending locally is what most of my well-intentioned brides end up doing: resign yourself to the fact that the dress will be made in china, but choose to purchase your dress from a longstanding member of your community. So when a bride elects to purchase her dress from me, she is supporting me and my family, my co-workers and their families, as well as the many charities and community causes that my store supports.

My admiration goes to those of you who think of the bigger picture and how you can affect change. America has thrived because of brides like you!

It Seemed Like a Good Idea at the Time...

Not only am I a wedding professional, but I have been invited to my share of weddings over the years. I have a couple of pet peeves I'd like to share in the hopes that I might open the eyes of some brides as to how your guests might receive some of those well-intentioned ideas you have.

1. Who came up with the idea of having the guests at a bridal shower pre-address their own thank you notes? I mean, really, they have been invited to this party for the sole purpose of having them contribute a gift to the future household of the bride. Is it really so much trouble for the bride to write the addresses on the envelopes as she hopefully sends a personalized note of gratitude to each attendee for their generosity? The next step can only be asking the guests to write the note themselves, "Dear Aunt Brenda, Thank you for the dishes I picked out on a registry and you paid for. Love," and leaving it blank for the bride to sign and seal. Perhaps we can save the bride a stamp by asking the guests to bring that, too?

2. At what other kind of party can you invite people to attend, therefore putting you in the role of "the host" and actually tell people that you are providing food for them, but if they are thirsty, they'll need to buy their own drinks? It has become so common to have a cash bar that brides and grooms have forgotten what they are actually asking people to do: come to their party and fend for themselves!

3. Have you ever been to a wedding where the bride was obviously scrimping and saving, cutting corners everywhere she could, only to walk down the aisle in a $7,000 Vera Wang gown? I have! I remember standing in line at an appetizer buffet for 45 minutes, waiting with the other 350 guests to gain access to the ritz crackers, cheese spread crock and cut up veggies while discussing how beautiful the bride looked in her gown. Now understand, I am not looking down on people that have realistic budgets and cannot afford caviar and foie de gras for everyone, that was certainly me at my wedding! Just that everyone has choices to make when deciding where to splurge and where to save, and it might not go over so well to have your captive hungry guests feeling the pinch of your wallet, and watching from below in serfdom with their $3 coke and carrot sticks while the Lady of the Land floats past in her Vera Wang. I'm just saying.

4. Or how about weddings where the ceremony takes place at like 10:00am, but the reception is at 3:00? Now you are in a town you don't know with four hours to kill, completely dressed up, and unsure whether you should grab a bite since, after all, it is lunch time and you need something to do, but not wanting to ruin your appetite for the wedding? Etiquette books tell us that a reception should follow the ceremony by no more than an hour in order to be called a wedding reception. So what was this couple thinking? Probably of themselves and their desire to have their ceremony at this particular location and a reception at that one, never mind that they weren't available at the times or date that the couple wanted. So they figured, no biggie! The guests can entertain themselves!

5. And my absolute biggest wedding guest pet peeve: since when is it ever appropriate to put a reference to gifts on a printed wedding invitation? "Mr. and Mrs. John Smith invite you to the wedding of their daughter Jane Elizabeth to Mr. Horatio Baldazar at 4:00 on June 17th, two thousand ten at Our Ladies of Bring Us Stuff. The Couple is Registered at Pottery Barn and Crate and Barrel. RSVP by May 1." and the absolute trifecta of bad-manners? A printed wedding announcement sent before the actual event (faux pas #1) with a reference to gifts (faux pas #2) that uses the term "greenback wedding" (and #3)! For those of you that have never been invited to a "greenback wedding", this is a wedding in which the couple is requesting that you bring them money. That's right, like a charitable organization, but without the tax-deductible benefit, they are making a plea for funds, often to pay off the wedding they could not afford in the first place.

I don't mean to sound negative, and everyone who knows me knows I love weddings. I am looking forward to a family wedding this summer, as a matter of fact. But the sense of entitlement that has become part of the culture blows my mind, "I know I'm on a tight budget, but I deserve to look like a princess on my wedding day!" (end result, situation #3 above), or "I don't really have enough money to get the wedding I have seen on Platinum Weddings, but it's my day, so I'll find a way to pay for it" (end result, situation #5 above) and even, "but it's MY wedding and I REALLY want my reception to be at this venue. If they aren't available at an appropriate time for my ceremony, we'll just have to make everyone wait!" (end result, situation #4).

C'mon people. Really.

Leave me a comment about your wedding pet peeves, I love them!

An Empassioned Plea

It is Feel Good Friday again, and this week I am choosing to write about an object that makes me happy. Not happy like "ha ha", but deep-down core wants and desires happy. Subconscious smile from ear to ear happy.

I can't post a picture of it, because it doesn't belong to me.

If it were up to me, it would belong to every bride that I have helped attire for her trip down the aisle, although it would be different for each one.

For some it would be long and dramatic, for others it would be detailed and romantic, and for a few it would be vintage and sassy. But whatever her individual tastes are, it is a symbol of her femininity.

It has the power to take a bride from "very dressed up" to "today is my wedding day."

It has the ability to pull focus from the elaborate gown and luscious bouquet to her face, glowing in the promise of the journey to come.

It is like a magic window with the power to make Dad cry as he sees his daughter through it, not as his precious child, but the beautiful woman she has grown to be.

A tradition begun in the days of arranged marriages, to conceal the questionable looks of the bride to her betrothed, but now worn with empowerment in a bride's celebration of the choices she has made to lead her to this point, and the many choices she will make from here forward.

Please consider making it your choice; please wear a veil.

It would make this consultant happy!

Great Expectations

One of the most commonly heard questions in my dressing room is, "when is the last possible moment to order my dress?"

I usually answer this question with a question, "why would you want to wait until the last possible moment?"

The answer to that is typically either because the bride wants to lose weight before getting measured for her dress, because she is having trouble financially, because she cannot commit to a style and wants to look further or because she may be pregnant at the wedding.

Pregnancy and wedding gowns, once a taboo, are now much more accepted. Brides are embracing their status of being with child, most choosing an empire style that flows around the belly, but some choosing to highlight their baby bump with a fitted gown. When a bride knows before she orders her dress, either because she is already pregnant or because she is hoping to be, options abound. An expectant bride does not need to feel any less beautiful on her wedding day than her more traditional counterpart.

But what if you ordered your gown before you knew you'd be pregnant at the wedding? I have had a number of these situations arise throughout my years of selling gowns. My advice here is as follows:

Begin by calling the store where you bought your gown. Let them know your new status. They deal with this all the time, and there will be no one judging you. (Whenever I get the "I am pregnant!" call from one of my brides, my first words are ALWAYS, "Congratulations! You must be so excited!" The common response is a pause, sometimes with tears, because this unplanned pregnancy has changed everything from plans to do a champagne toast at the wedding to where the couple can honeymoon.) Be prepared to answer questions regarding your due date, whether this is your first pregnancy, if not, how did your body change during your previous pregnancy. Armed with this information, your consultant will give you your options which may include:

• If this is your first pregnancy, your wedding is only a few months away, and your dress is an empire, A line or princess cut, especially if it has a lace-up back, your consultant may tell you that you will likely still be able to wear your dress with minor alterations. Rejoice!

• If you just recently ordered your dress and your wedding is months away, chances are you will be too big by then to wear it. Talk to your consultant about whether you have the option to order a different size, or switch to a different style. Do not expect the answer to be yes, in most cases once you order a dress the store is committed to the manufacturer for that gown in that size, but it is worth a shot. I have had circumstances in which a manufacturer agreed to swap a smaller size for a larger one, so there may be the off-chance that you'll get lucky!

• If you have a style with seaming and construction conducive to certain alterations, you may be able to wear your original gown, but with major work. Have a long talk with your consultant and seamstress about the estimated cost, what will need to be done, and how the dress will look in the end. Usually this will be cheaper and faster than ordering a whole new dress, but generally only works if a.) you have an empire or natural waist seam as well as extra length on the bottom so that the entire skirt can be lifted up for more fullness through the belly or b.) you have access to additional fabric (with embellishments, if any) in the same dye lot so that gussets (extra panels) can be sewn into the sides.

• If the previous scenarios will not work, it may be time to consider a new dress. Talk to the store where you bought the first gown. They'll let you know about your time frame and whether you have time to order something new. See if you can negotiate a deal with them, for example, they might agree to forgive your balance on the original dress if you buy another dress with them, or they may give you a flat discount on the second dress. Or they may agree to swap a sample off the floor for no additional money and keep the dress you ordered as a new sample. All possibilities, but dependent upon manufacturer's rules for discounting as well as the saleability of your ordered gown.

Be joyful! A new life is a blessing! Things may be a little complicated right now as you sort it all out. Take it from me, a mother of two, that this is only the beginning of how wonderfully complicated every mundane task will be for the next few years!

Sample Sizes Explained

As promised, a quick explanation of sample sizes.

In most bridal stores, you will find that the majority of dresses will be available to try on in a size 10. This is an industry standard, and the manufacturers cut their samples in 10 first to accommodate the stores who have ordered them. In an earlier post I explained that bridal stores actually pay the manufacturer for every dress they have in the store (with some exceptions from up-and-coming designers, or struggling designers that will lend their dresses to a bridal store to test the waters, and the store can keep them and pay for them if they seem to be generating interest). This is why most stores only have one of each dress available, and since size 10's are the easiest to get, that is what you will mostly find. Stores are allowed, however, to order whatever size they want. Occasionally you will find that a store's owner will think that a particular style will appeal to a petite girl, and will order it in an 8 or a 6, or that the style will flatter a curvier figure, and it will be ordered in a 12 or 14.

The best stores, and the ones that are the most financially stable, will carry more than one of some or all of their dresses. They will offer a dress (like Fiorella!) in not only a size 10, but also a women's size, say, an 18. Since this store had to purchase each sample, this is an investment that should make a plus-size girl happy. Now she doesn't have to take the traditional route of ordering a dress that she has difficulty even trying on, but is now able to see the gown on her. In this age of such fierce competition I often hear from brides that have sought out my dressing room because of our large collection of dresses available to try on in women's sizes, that other stores they have visited have had few to no plus size gowns. Since some women will order a gown they haven't tried on, smaller stores are making the choice to spend their dollars on two different styles in a size 10, instead of two sizes on the same gown.

Keep in mind that these numbers are not the equivalent of traditional American sizing. If you go to the mall to buy a pair of jeans, and you find that you wear a size 10, be prepared that your bridal size is likely to be anywhere from 12 to 16 depending on your shape and the cut of the gown. Why is this? Many brides ask me in frustration why the sizes are so strange. I explain to them that these dresses are made and sold internationally, and since Europe, Australia and other locations use different sizing methods, it's kind of a blend.

Whether you are petite or more voluptuous, you should not expect to try on dresses in your exact size. A size or two in either direction is to be expected, and your consultant will help you to visualize the dress and how it would be in your size by holding it in the back for you. This, of course, does not apply to warehouse stores, like David's, that do not carry labels, but stock their own lines in most sizes. If you are a woman that knows in her heart that you cannot buy a dress you have not seen in your exact size, you either need to call the stores at which you are planning on shopping to find out how many dresses they have available in your size range (if you wear a size 20, ask what they have in a size 24, and also what they have in a 20-28), or you need to give up the dream of a made-to-order gown and buy at an off-the-rack warehouse store.

Using Great Aunt Fanny

Often a bride will tell me that she has a "Great Aunt Fanny" who will be doing her alterations for her as her wedding gift. Having a knowledgeable seamstress in the family can be a real savings for a bride, since industry estimates are between $250 to $350 for a standard alteration to a wedding gown. This figure typically includes a hem, a bustle, taking in the sides, lifting the straps. The differences in the low to high end of the figure have to do with how beaded the gown is, what kind of straps/sleeves/halter it is, and whether the hem is simple, or requires a trim piece be removed and reset when the gown is shortened. There are hours of work involved in the alteration of a gown to make it fit perfectly, and that is why it can get so pricey. So should you save a few hundred bucks and have Great Aunt Fanny do it?

My first question is always whether or not she has worked with wedding gowns before. The response is so often, "She made her own wedding dress." That is wonderful and an accomplishment (certainly one I could never do!) but does not address the issues specific to altering a special-order gown.

Here is a list of ways in which altering a wedding gown is more challenging than altering a store-bought dress, or creating your own gown from scratch:

• Unlike clothing that is purchased at the store, or clothing that is made from a pattern, wedding gowns are specifically constructed with the expectation of alterations. The majority of alterations are accomplished in the side seams of the gown, as opposed to off-the-rack clothing that has darts under the bust and construction throughout that can be taken in or added for better fit.

• There are often details, like beading or appliques that are present across the seams, that require being removed and replaced during the alteration process. Getting an applique to lie flat across a seam that has just been taken in can be tricky to even a veteran seamstress whose experience lies in making a garment from scratch.

• A hem seems like a straightforward alteration, especially if you have done it a hundred times on trousers or casual dresses. Add a petticoat underneath, and a train on the back, and getting it straight and at the right height can be a time consuming process. Often a hem will have a lace trim, applique or another detail that needs to be detached before the hem can be sewn. Once the hem is complete, the trim is replaced. Since this detail will usually not be detached from the side seams to the train, it is a complicated maneuver to replace it without buckling.

• If you have strapless dress, it especially imperative that your side alterations be as good as possible so that your gown will not be inching down all day long. Who hasn't been to a wedding where the bride was hiking up her dress?

• A poorly constructed bustle will have the biggest impact on your day. If it is not even and part of it touches the floor, someone will likely step on it, causing footprints on your gown, and it will probably tear out the bustle. Losing your bustle means that not only will you lose your beautiful look, but that now you will have to carry your train around as you move amongst your guests.

• Typically, the delicate fabrics and beading involved with a wedding gown, and the fact that the dress is probably some shade of white, make it difficult to work with. The dress may get dirty during sewing and need to be cleaned. The fabric will wrinkle while in the sewing machine, and need to be pressed. Does your Great Aunt Fanny have the tools to deal with the cleaning and pressing of a fine fabric? A professional has special spot-cleaners and high-end irons designed specifically for wedding gowns.

I will never tell any bride that she should not use her "Great Aunt Fanny" for her alterations. And I know there are many bridal stores that have internet reviews claiming that their alterations are overpriced. My advice is that now that I have given you this information, talk to your Great Aunt Fanny about the specifics of your gown, the beads and trims, the alterations you are likely to need and her experience with them. The problem with badly done alterations is that often they cannot be undone. I remember a favorite bride from my past that had had an "experienced" seamstress working on her $4000 Christos dress. The seamstress took her lace dress completely apart to solve a problem with making it more short-waisted for the bride. Once she had it apart, she did some cutting of the lace that she shouldn't have, and she could not get the dress back together again. I met this bride 3 weeks before her wedding, as she came to my dressing room as a referral looking for a new dress. Don't let a generous and well-meaning Great Aunt Fanny get in over her head with your gown and do this to you.

Start with a Good Foundation

It is common for a bride to ask me what she should bring with her to her wedding gown appointment. The answer? Pictures of dresses you like and don't like, an idea of your budget, your wallet (ha ha!), your hair up, shoes of about the right heel height, and, most importantly, a good bra.

I decided to write about bras today because I get asked about them all the time, and because it seems to be a hot topic of the moment. InStyle has a great article about bras in their current issue. There is a whole page devoted to special occasion bras, that is, bras that offer support without the traditional silhouette. You will find bras to suit a variety of dress styles: strapless, halter, low back, plunge neck, and criss-cross straps.

So my advice is this: when you come to your appointment, bring your best, most supportive and smoothing, best fitting bra. If you don't have one, go to a specialty store or department store and get fitted for one. This is an investment that will allow you to focus on the gowns you are wearing, instead of suffering angst as your focus is drawn to your trouble spots, back fat, cup bulge or whatever your issue is. I have seen countless girls wearing beautiful gowns that they are not really seeing, because all they see is a lump resulting from an ill-fitting bra. And does this bra need to be strapless? Not in my mind... but I make a living being able to visualize a dress on a girl even if it isn't the right size or color, so imagining away straps on a bra is no problem for me... only you will know whether you can do that too.

Once you have found your perfect dress, go back to your favorite lingerie spot and describe your dress to them. These women can recommend the perfect undergarment to suit the lines of your gown and its construction, and may have to special order it for you. Leave the tags on the bra and bring it with you when you try on your dress for the first time. Most professional lingerie stores will allow you to return the garment with the tags still on if it isn't exactly right, that is, it is visible under the dress, it causes a pinch or bulge it shouldn't, etc. If your dress is a very difficult cut (like a very sheer fabric that is showing every stitch and seam), bring your dress to the store to shop for bras until you find the right thing.

Remember that many photographs will be taken of you on your wedding day. You want to look smooth, supported and contained from every angle. And when the day comes to a close and it is time to remove your gown, try slipping into the restroom discretely to remove the supportive undergarments in favor of something a little "flirtier"... after all, the undergarments you wear throughout the getting ready, pictures, ceremony, reception and dancing are likely to be a little sweaty anyway, right?

How to Tell if Your Bridal Salon is in Trouble

Let's face it: trusting a store with hundreds, even thousands of your hard-earned dollars in exchange for the promise of a dress can be difficult. You need to believe that in an appropriate amount of time this store will have your dress for you, that it will be the same style you originally selected, that it will be the right color, it will be in good condition, and an approximation of the right size. The repercussions of a store failing in some way to fulfill these obligations could leave you high and dry with just weeks to your wedding and no option but to settle for something you don't love. So how can you tell that a store is bad news?

In these economic times it is difficult for stores to compete with the warehouse stores (like David's), the pseudo-bridal market (like JCrew), and the no-inventory dealers (like websites). When you order a dress from a bridal salon, you are typically asked to pay for a portion of it up front. The store then orders your dress from the manufacturer. The bridal store pays the manufacturer for your gown on delivery. This means that the bridal store is holding your money for several months until your gown arrives (at which point the bride pays the balance). Stores that are in trouble are operating at a loss, and are therefore forced to spend the money from a bride that left a deposit today for her gown to cover the bill for a gown that is arriving tomorrow for a bride that ordered six months ago. Can you trust that this store will have had another bride order a gown from them six months from now when your dress arrives and they need to pay the COD to UPS so it doesn't get sent back to the manufacturer? After all, the money you gave them was spent months before...

Here are warning signs that a store is desperate for immediate cash flow:

• Willingness to discount a dress, particularly a special order, below MSRP. Since discounting a special order gown can result in the line being pulled from them, why are they willing to take that risk for one customer?
• Disregard for the rules imposed on them by the manufacturers. For example, more and more manufacturers are requiring that their stores disallow the taking of photographs of their designs unless the dress has been purchased. Since they reserve the right to pull their line from any store that doesn't follow their rules, why is the store letting one customer's desire for a picture jeopardize their future with the manufacturer?
• A store that will tell you anything you want to hear. The most common I hear? Brides will tell me that although I have told them that this dress will take about six months to arrive, and another store said the same thing, there is another store that said they can get it sooner. Dresses take as long as they take, and unless you are doing a Rush Cut, which involves a higher cost, orders are processed in the order received. End of story. No bridal store in America has "more pull" with the factory in China than another. Why are they misleading you? Because once they have your money, you are committed, and when it arrives in six months there's nothing you can do about it. Stores will also under-quote alteration prices and tell you things will be altered that can't. Anything that will cause you to leave a deposit with them.
• A store that lies to you. I had a bride recently who came in after having seen a dress she loved. She told me that the other store told her that the dress was made of silk. I showed her our sample of the dress and explained that it is called "silky satin", a beautiful fabric, but not silk. The word "silk" in the fabric refers to the weight of the satin, not the natural content of its fibers. She insisted that the previous shop told her it was silk, that they even suggested this dress when she said she wanted a real silk gown. I opened up the dress and showed her the label, "100% polyester" and even went into the office to get the manufacturer's trade catalog to show her that the manufacturer only offered this gown in one fabric, silky satin which is polyester. She was stunned that someone would lie right to her face. People will do anything when they are desperate for cash.

There are plenty of honest, stable stores out there. Check reviews first. Do not choose a store simply because they have the lowest price. Ask your consultant lots of questions and you'll probably get a sense of whether they are telling you the truth, or hiding something. Does an offer sound too good to be true? Probably isn't. Never pay for a special order dress in full.

Follow these tips and trust yourself to know whether the person with whom you are dealing can be trusted too.

Let's Make a Deal!

So most brides that are in wedding gown shopping mode have watched at least one episode of Say Yes to the Dress. This means that they have watched a bride fall in love with a gown that her mother has indicated is too expensive. What usually happens next is that the consultant will grab a manager who will crunch some numbers and come back with a different price. Mom will say "Yes!" the bride will cry and the deal is made!

What this leads to is quite a bit of attempted bartering in my dressing room. Let me educate you about how my dressing room (and if you have read my previous posts, my dressing room is in a bridal salon that carriers dresses in the $500 to $1500 price range, the price range about 85% of the population espouses) differs from the Kleinfeld experience.

Kleinfeld's sells high-end designer wedding gowns. These gowns can go all the way to $30,000 and higher. There is not a lot in the way of fabrics or beading that cost that much, and so it is no surprise that what you are paying for is the label. There is also quite a bit of overhead and profit built in to the price as well. Let's say for the sake of argument that Kleinfeld's, or another high end store like Priscilla's, follows the 2 1/2 times rule (I don't know that they do, it is just a common rule of the market) , and that a dress that costs them $3,000 to purchase will be sold to the bride at 2 1/2 times that, or $7,500. That means that Kleinfeld's gets about $4,500 for themselves for that dress to cover their expenses and the consultant's commission. Any accessories sold with the gown are marked up significantly more. Alterations are additional. So when a bride walks in and says, "I can't afford this dress... if it was in my budget, I would buy it!" and then Joan goes to the office with her calculator and comes out to say, "I can offer it to you for $6,200 but no lower," keep in mind that this whopping $1,300 discount is still allowing them a profit of $3,200, plus whatever they make on the accessories and alterations.

Contrast that with my dressing room in a somewhat different price point. There is something called MSRP, which means that when a store agrees to carry a certain line, they agree to not sell it below an agreed upon price, although they are free to mark it up and build in as much profit as they would like. The manufacturers discourage price wars because they want their gowns to have a certain status, and would not like them to be the "discount" dresses you can get at a bridal warehouse. But the ratio is a little different, often a 2x mark-up instead of a 2 1/2 x mark-up. So a gown that costs about $500 would often sell for $1000, leaving the store with a mere $500 to pay their expenses, consultant commission and profit. So not only is the bridal salon working on a much tighter margin, but they are also held to an agreement regarding the price they can charge for the garment.

That being said, there is a notable exception to this rule: if you are buying a sample off the floor, the salon has the right to sell it for whatever price they want since it is their property and considered to be "used". So if you love a deal, and you have found the dress of your dreams, and the sample fits you, is the color you want and is in good shape, consider asking for a discount to buy the sample off the floor. You may just get lucky and find that the salon is happy to do so!

I'd like to reiterate that I'm not associated with Kleinfeld's in any way and have no knowledge of their business practices other than considering them to be very service oriented. I am also a big fan of Say Yes to the Dress.

A Fine Brown Dust

You are coming to a store to try on possibly one of the most expensive garments you will ever purchase. The dresses you try on are samples, meaning they are the property of someone else. So why, oh why, would you attempt to don this expensive, white gown when you are covered head to toe in BODY BRONZER? Seriously folks, I can't tell you how many hours I have spent in the back room trying to get brown smudges out of the inside of a gown.

But you can't see the inside of the dress, so what does it matter?

You might not be able to see it the offending marks from the outside, but a dress that is damaged inside or out loses its value. Most stores do sell their samples right off the floor in cases of close weddings, or if a dress is not selling well, sometimes the store will offer the bride a deal for taking the sample if she wants it. The goal is to keep the gowns as pristine as possible so that the shops can get a good price for their sample, helping every bride by allowing the store to recoup some of their high expenses and therefore enabling the store to keep their prices low.

Some stores around the country have taken drastic measures to ensure care in the handling of their garments. Many stores require a professional assist you in and out of the gowns to protect against broken zippers and ripped seams as a result of dresses forced over busts and hips too large for the size. Other stores require all visitors to remove footwear at the door during the snowy or rainy seasons to prevent puddling on the salon floor that can be damaging to hems and trains. The newest trend is surgical masks offered to brides who show up for an appointment heavily made-up so that difficult-to-remove lipstick stains will not mar their valueable inventory.

If you come across any of these measures, please note that these are signs of a store that cares about the quality and condition of their dresses. It may be an inconvenience, but it is the best bridal salons that are willing to ask for a little consideration in order to offer you a premium quality at the lowest possible price.

So if you wear a body bronzer to try on wedding gowns, do not be surprised if you are either turned away and politely asked to reschedule your appointment, or if you are at a self-service store and a passing consultant notes that you have damaged a gown by wearing it, you are asked to either purchase the dress or pay for its professional cleaning.

Dress McFugly

In my quest to engage you, I am going to answer another question posed to me on a fairly regular basis by brides in my dressing room:

Do brides ever pick out a dress that looks awful on them?

The answer:yes. I like to think that my involvement in the process causes this to happen far less than the average person shopping on their own or without experienced assistance (see entry titled "Fiorella? Who Are You?" for my resume). But there will always be circumstances in which personal taste is the determining factor in the selection of the gown. For example, someone may love the look of a mermaid gown, the sophistication, the glamour, and they truly envision themselves in that cut. When she tries a mermaid on, she sees a beautiful version of herself and who am I to tell her that her vision, her personal opinion of how she looks, is wrong?

My strategy at this point is usually to point out what I consider to be the problem areas, "and as you look at yourself from the back, how do you like the fit across your derriere?" or to suggest that she consider an alternative, "since you like this one so much, I have another I'd like you to try on that looks very similar, but has a slightly different shape across the thigh area. Then we can see which one you like better!" But if the end result is that the bride is in love with a dress that isn't my idea of perfect on her, my opinion is irrelevant. In my dressing room, the bride reigns supreme.

I always think of two particular brides when I think of choices I would have made differently had I been selecting their gowns myself:

Bride A, let's call her Monique, had a very narrow waist and a very full hip. She had seen a dress that she was unable to try on because it was too small to fit over her hips. I put her into several other dresses with similar fits that had similar details across the hipline designed to draw attention to the body-hugging cut. My opinion was that each of these were wrong for her, drawing attention to exactly where she didn't need it. But she loved them, saying that all the detail in the area distracted from her large hips. She ordered her dream dress and I cringed!

Bride B, let's call her Mary, was a small girl, petite, flat chested, and had a very plain look about her. She had long straight hair, wore no make-up, and was soft spoken. She and her Mom fell in love with an over-the-top beaded halter gown. Halters are often difficult to wear if they aren't filled out by an ample bust, and the effect made her look tiny, like she was wearing someone else's dress. The crowning glory was the enormous sparkling necklace (yes, a beaded halter and a necklace!) earrings, crown, beaded veil and the long gloves. By the end she looked like a 12-year-old dressing up as a bride for halloween. But Mom cried tears of joy, and they loved it. So my less-is-more or pick-one-focal-point philosophy was irrelevant; I wasn't going to have to look at these pictures for the next 50 years!

I understand the reason why so many people ask this question. Every bride is terrified of making the wrong choice. Let me lay your fears to rest and say that the vast majority of brides pick their dress wisely. Listen carefully to what your consultant tells you, choose who accompanies you on this appointmet carefully, and remember that if you love the way you look, that is the most important thing anyway!

Baby Got Back

Today's entry is a tip for all of you brides who decide that, in order to look your best, you should step up a gym routine and begin a workout regimen. Obviously toning your body will help you achieve that photo-ready physique you long for. But did you know that too much exercise, or the wrong kinds of exercise can render your wedding gown too small?

It's true. Many brides have arrived in my dressing room to try on their beautiful gown that has just arrived only to discover that it will not zip. They are stymied because they have been working out with a pesonal trainer and have lost 10 pounds. So I take the bride's measurements around her back and bust and compare to the measurements from the day she ordered her gown only to discover that she has gained an inch or two.

I remember a particular bride who bought a dress from me. When she ordered her gown, the sample size fit perfectly, so I took her measurements and ordered her dress the same size as the sample. About three months later she came in to look at veils and I put her back into the same sample she had had on. It no longer zipped in the back, but rather was open about 2"! We determined that it wasn't her cycle (which can cause a growth thru the bust) but that in her bridal boot camp she was doing too much weight lifting and aerobic activity that had caused growth in her back muscles and an expansion in her lung cavity.

So here are the tips:
1. Do not roly solely on mega-workouts. A sensible diet and excercise routine work best.
2. Less weight and more reps for less muscle bulk.
3. If you are able to engage the use of a trainer, let her know that you need to fit into a dress already ordered. She'll take your measurements and montitor your progress, adjusting as needed if you begin to bulk up across your back.
4. If you have not yet ordered your gown, consider a corset or lace-up back to help adjust for the possibility of small figure changes either direction.

The bride mentioned above had a happy ending. When her dress arrived in the store a few months later, she had adjusted her workout and her back/bust measurement had gone back down. Her dress fit her beautifully!

Remember, people have a tendency to use the number on the scale as their progress marker - it is really your measurements around that matter in how you look and how your beautiful gown fits you!

Say "Yes" to a Budget

Is anyone else flummoxed by the budgets on "Say Yes to the Dress"? I mean, it isn't that someone might have a large amout to spend on a wedding gown that surprises me. What gets me is that the consultant (I love Keisha and Diane, they are my faves!)will ask what the budget is, will say "okay" and walk to the stock room. If the bride has said $4000, she comes back with a dress that is $6500, if the bride has said $5000, she'll come back with something around $8000. And she'll always express that she doesn't have anything the bride will like in her price point.

Really? Kleinfeld's, the biggest wedding gown store in the country, that boasts over 12,000 styles in stock? And although we know that they stock dresses in these budget categories, apparently none of them are good enough for the brides. And they don't even mention the price until the bride is in the gown and has fallen in love with it.

This would never happen in my dressing room. According to the National Bridal Council of America, 85% of Americans spend from $500 to $1500 on their wedding gown. The remaining 15% are budget brides and extravangant spenders. And planning a wedding is an expensive endeavor. Every step of the way it is possible to "upgrade" and end up with a far more expensive wedding than you can afford. It is important to have a budget figure in mind, with a top ceiling not to go over as you shop for your gown. Your consultant should ask you your budget and respect it. If it unrealistic, she should tell you upfront what you can likely get for your budget, and how much a dress like you describe costs. It is dirty pool to put a girl in a gown that is more than she can spend. The consultant gambles that the bride will somehow come up with the money, but if the answer is no, the consultant has now ruined future dresses for the bride as she always compares each consecutive one to the gorgeous dress she could not afford.

Interesting tidbit: I have had two brides recently report to me that they attempted to make appointments at Kleinfeld's to look at wedding gowns. They figured, they had about $4000 to spend and they have seen several brides on the show end up with gowns of $2000 or less. But when they were screened by the booking secretary at Kleinfeld's they were told that due to the popularity of the show and their full schedule they were not currently accepting appointments for girls in that price point. Please note that this is heresay, I have not called and checked the accuracy of this policy myself, and I cannot say a bad word about Kleinfeld's; they are famous in the industry for their service excellence.

Props to Mom

Working at a bridal gown salon is a study in Mother-Daughter relationships.

Most of the time shopping for and selecting a wedding gown is a pleasant and exciting experience that Mom and Daughter bond over. They don't always have the exact same idea of what "The Dress" will look like, but they share similar tastes and visions, and they talk back and forth of the pros and cons of each style.

Then there are the more contentious relationships in which arguing is the norm; arguing over price, who will pay, what will the color be, will the shoulders need to be covered, is the dress too sexy, too plain, too formal, too fitted, etc. Some of the arguments are heated, sometimes there are tears.

Sometimes Mom forgets whose wedding it is.

But my point today is that, in my experience, so often it is Mom who is instrumental in finding the dress. That doesn't necessarily mean that Mom sees the dress from across the room and says, "That is the dress that my daughter will wear to get married!", although there have been occasions where this occurs. Usually it is that Mom speaks of certain qualities she thinks would suit her daughter, and that when the consultant listens to Mom, blends it with what the bride is asking for,that is when the magic happens! A dress that wows everyone, makes Mom tear up and makes the bride melt as she sees herself thru her Mom's eyes. And why should we be surprised that Mom had insight into her daughter's perfect gown? After all, she has known her daughter much longer than I, is familiar with her figure, her tastes, and perhaps her history of fashion missteps.

So, although the bride reigns supreme in my dressing room, Mom is my secret weapon in the search for the perfect wedding gown! My message to you brides out there: be true to yourself, but be open to hearing what your Mom has to say.